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Band 4.5

Human activities have had a negative effect on plant and animal life all over the world. Some people think that it is too late to do something about it while others think that there is still time to take effective action. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

#activities #effect #plant #life #world #people #time #action
When it comes to human
activities
 there is always have had a negative effect on the plants and
animals
 life.
On the other hand
,some people think it is too late to do something about it
while
 others think that there is still time to take effective
actions
Fix the agreement mistake
action
show examples
 about the impacts on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
living habitats all over the world.In my point of view,I will discuss both sides of
this
 argument and provide my own opinion. First,it is true that some of the species have gone extinct over the past decade because of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
human
activities
such
 as forestation ,
animals
Fix the agreement mistake
animal
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 hunting and others.
This
Correct determiner usage
These
show examples
 prohibited
activities
 might
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
endanger the life of the wildlife.
For example
animals
Fix the agreement mistake
animal
show examples
 poaching , many hunters have
this illegal
Change the determiner
this illegal activity
these illegal activities
show examples
activities
 as a hobby or external
resources
Fix the agreement mistake
resource
show examples
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
.
As a result
,many species have been decreased and eventually will go extinct. If
this
 continues to happen without any actions from the human,it will be too late to save those natural habitats.
In contrast
,the government should impose charges
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 those who
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 doing any illegal
activities
.
For example
 ,jail time and fines should be increased
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 those who
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
commiting
Correct your spelling
committing
an unlawful
Correct the article-noun agreement
unlawful activities
an unlawful activity
show examples
activities
.
Moreover
,private sectors and schools should help to publish an awareness campaign
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 illegal
acitivies
Correct your spelling
activities
 on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
wildlife to children and the public to gain more consciousness about the
important
Replace the word
importance
show examples
 of flora and fauna helps to produce oxygen
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the earth
while
animals
 help balance the
ecosytems
Correct your spelling
ecosystems
ecosystem
 of our world. In conclusion,
the
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apply
show examples
 government and
the
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apply
show examples
global cooperation play a big role in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
environment
Replace the word
environmental
show examples
 issues and
this
 is pivotal to
maintan
Correct your spelling
maintain
 equilibrium between
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
ecosystems and developments.In my opinion,it is never
to
Replace the word
too
show examples
 late to take
actions
Fix the agreement mistake
action
show examples
 on something but if we try to
ingnore
Correct your spelling
ignore
 it maybe it will be
to
Replace the word
too
show examples
 late to save it.
Submitted by tifjong on

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Task Achievement
Your essay discusses both perspectives and acknowledges the urgency of conservation efforts. However, it could benefit from clearer, more comprehensive examples to strengthen your arguments. Consider incorporating specific case studies or statistical data to add depth to your discussion.
Coherence and Cohesion
The logical progression of your ideas is somewhat evident, but it could be made clearer. Organize your essay into distinct paragraphs, each centered around a single main idea. This will enhance the flow and readability of your text.
Coherence and Cohesion
While your introduction and conclusion are present, they could be more impactful. Start with a stronger hook to grasp the reader's attention in your introduction. In your conclusion, aim to synthesize your discussion more assertively, reinforcing your stance on the matter.
Coherence and Cohesion
To support your main points more effectively, incorporate a variety of sentence structures and a richer vocabulary. Doing so will not only strengthen your arguments but also engage your readers more thoroughly.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • biodiversity
  • deforestation
  • mitigate
  • conservation
  • reforestation
  • innovative technologies
  • global cooperation
  • policy making
  • consumption patterns
  • environmental issues
  • sustainable
  • renewable resources
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