IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people prefer to rent a house for accommodation, while others prefer to buy their own house. Does renting a house have more advantages or disadvantages than buying a house? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #rent #house #accommodation
In today's world, we have seen increased advertising of homes on billboards, television, the
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
 etc. Some
people
 prefer renting,
while
 others would rather buy a home.
To begin
,
people
 are working hard to buy a home, there are a lot of property developers building many types of living
such
 as condominiums, apartments,
townhome
Fix the agreement mistake
townhomes
show examples
 etc. offering customers a
verity
Correct your spelling
variety
show examples
 of
choice
Fix the agreement mistake
choices
show examples
.
However
, some
people
 want to be
owner
Fix the agreement mistake
owners
show examples
,
the
Correct word choice
and the
show examples
 source of
this
 desire is
need
Correct article usage
the need
show examples
 for
stable
Replace the word
stability
show examples
 and respect, especially
security
Correct article usage
the security
show examples
 of their life and
asset
Fix the agreement mistake
assets
show examples
.
However
,
home
Correct article usage
a home
show examples
 is
important
Add an article
an important
the important
show examples
 thing to investment for investors as
value
Correct article usage
the value
show examples
 of
house
Correct article usage
a house
show examples
not
Add a missing verb
does not
show examples
 reduce and rise
all years
Fix the agreement mistake
every year
show examples
depend
Wrong verb form
depending
show examples
 on
location
Correct article usage
the location
show examples
their
Change the word
the
show examples
 buy. They have to manage income and have enough investment for the future, buying or renting and living with family.
On the other hand
, why a majority of
people
 choose renting is;
first,
they can choose a
house
 with the appropriate size of rooms, pricing, location close to their office, and convenient facilities around the areas,
second,
they live with other members
such
 as parents,
third,
they do not want big debts particularly, they are afraid a growing up of interest rate, fourth, in case of job change or if they do not like
this
 the place they can move anytime. In conclusion,
while
 some
people
 prefer to
buying
Wrong verb form
buy
show examples
 a
house
 since price and value increase as time goes by,
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 rent because they cannot afford
buying
Change the verb form
to buy
show examples
 a
house
. Buying a
house
 may not be beneficial to everyone, so, it depends on
people is
Correct your spelling
people's
show examples
 lifestyles and their work.
Submitted by chompoo34888 on

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Task Achievement
Work on developing your ideas more thoroughly. While you provide reasons and examples, these could be expanded upon to better support your arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
Aim to use a wider variety of linking words and phrases to enhance the flow of your essay. This will also help to make the relationships between your ideas clearer.
Coherence and Cohesion
Revise the structure of your essay to ensure a clear progression from introduction to conclusion. Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea, supported by reasons and examples.
General
Be careful with spelling and grammatical errors, as these can detract from the clarity and professionalism of your writing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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