IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

The chart below shows the reasons why people travel to work by bicycle or by car. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.

The chart below shows the reasons why people travel to work by bicycle or by car. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.
#people #travel #work #bicycle #car #summarise #information #features #comparisons
The proffered pie chart provides information about the
reasons
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
citizens take their
work
 destinations by two transportation (cars and bicycles).
Overall
, it is readily noticeable that health and fitness and less pollution purposes become the main
reasons
 why people travel to
work
 by
bycycle
Correct your spelling
bicycle
.
In contrast
, in terms of
comfortable
Correct article usage
a comfortable
show examples
 goal, the highest percentage conveyed that reason.
To begin
 with, commonalities
number
Fix the agreement mistake
numbers
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 are shown for two primary
reasons
such
 as health and fitness and less pollution. Those factors dominated for those who cycle to
work
. They account for below a third per cent and other
reasons
 contributed 12%, 13%, and 15% respectively.
On the other hand
, the biggest fraction (40%),
people
Change preposition
of people
show examples
 feel comfortable when driving a car,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is followed by the distance issue, which accounts for just 21%.
While
,
Remove the comma
apply
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another
Replace the adjective
another reason
other reasons
show examples
reasons
such
 as faster than cycling and consideration of things to
work
, they show
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 same fraction
that is
 at 14%.
In addition
, a tiny proportion comes from a safer reason, it contributes just 11%.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "such".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words reasons, work with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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