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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Intelligent machines such as reborts are widely applied to the place of human being. Do the advantage of the outweigh the disadvantage

#machines #reborts #place #advantage #outweigh
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Nowadays, with the advancement of technology, intelligent machines are used in many occupations more,
instead
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of
Change preposition
by
show examples
individuals.
Although
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this
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 circumstance has some demerits, merits are more than disadvantages. In
this
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 essay, I will explain more. On the one hand, the job is conducted faster whether you consume robots more than people
due to
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 the fact that they do not need any free time and can work steadily.
For instance
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, folk need to get rest,
while
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 they are working or eating some foods but it is not essential for robots to have it.
Furthermore
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, It can help the company financially because
this
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 equipment does not achieve the wage. In fact, you do not have to pay monthly if you use machines.
Therefore
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, they are a significant donation for factories.
On the other hand
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, the rate of unemployment grew dramatically in view of the fact that many employees lost their careers
due to
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this
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 progress.
For example
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, a person who works in transportation loses his position because intelligent cars carry out the job faster and better than him. In conclusion, in view of the progress of technology, employers prefer to consume robots more than individuals
due to
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 some reason, they do better and faster.
In addition
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, it has adverse impacts
such
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 as unemployment.
However
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, the pros outweigh the cons.
Submitted by bazarjanimohammadreza83 on

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task achievement
To improve task response, ensure that you address the prompt comprehensively. This requires not just stating the advantages and disadvantages but also making a clear, supported argument about why the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. Providing more detailed examples and analyzing them more deeply would strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, focus on the logical flow of your essay. This can be achieved by making clearer connections between ideas and paragraphs. Use a variety of linking phrases to improve the readability and flow of your essay. Additionally, organizing your essay into clear paragraphs with topic sentences will help guide the reader through your argument.
General
Overall, utilize a broader range of vocabulary and sentence structures to express your ideas more precisely and engagingly. Pay close attention to minor grammatical errors and strive for accuracy in your writing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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