IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that school children need to learn practical skills such as car maintenance or bank account management along with the academic subjects at school. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #school #children #skills #car #maintenance #bank #account #management #subjects
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There is an
argue
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argument
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 that says it is good for students to learn handy
skills
beside with
Change preposition
besides
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theoritical
Correct your spelling
theoretical
subjects
 in their education process in
schools
. I firmly disagree with
this
 notion, and limited free
time
, the more
improtant
Correct your spelling
important
subjects
, and
Correct article usage
the susptibility
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susptibility
Correct your spelling
susceptibility
 to damage themselves are my underlying reasons. Nowadays
schools
 play a crucial role in children’s future, so well
mangement
Correct your spelling
management
 of
schools
Change noun form
schools'
school's
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curicula
Correct your spelling
curricula
curriculum
 is vital. it is obvious that the school
curriculm
Correct your spelling
curriculums
 around the world has limited free
time
,
in other
words
Add the comma(s)
words,
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schools
Change noun form
schools'
school's
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timetable
Fix the agreement mistake
timetables
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 will not allow us to put practical
skills
 in their
curicula
Correct your spelling
curricula
curriculum
.
in addition
, there are many other
subjects
 which have more importance than practical
skills
.
for example
, learning about a healthy lifestyle can be much more beneficial than
learnig
Correct your spelling
learning
cars
Change the noun form
car
show examples
 maintenance.
moreover
, obviously
schools
Change the noun form
school
show examples
 children are teenagers who are spending their
clamsy
Correct your spelling
calm
 phase.
Thus
,
due to
 the phase, if we make them learn handy
skills
, we will
exposed
Change the verb form
expose
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 them to harm themselves,
besides
 damaging learning tools.
On the other hand
, there are some people who claim that these
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
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 of
skills
 are useful for their future. They can find their talents through
schools
, improve those talents, and become a
skillful
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skilful
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 person in the field where they
liked
Wrong verb form
like
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.
Also
, these
skills
 are needed for every society, so if they can not achieve success in academic backgrounds, practical
skills
 will give them another chance to make a living.
However
, these
skills
 could be easily gained in their spare
time
 with
Correct article usage
the supervising
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supervising
Replace the word
supervision
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 of their parents without any pressure of the limited
time
 or harm. In conclusion, I strongly believe that
duo
Correct your spelling
due
show examples
 to
constraints
Correct article usage
the constraints
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 of
school
Add an article
the school
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 timetable, other vital
subjects
 to learn, and prone to harm it is not
benefical
Correct your spelling
beneficial
 for pupils to learn handy
skills
along with
 academic
subjects
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
school.
Submitted by erfanamouie on

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task achievement
Ensure that the introduction clearly presents your main argument or stance regarding the topic. A clearer, succinct thesis statement will strengthen your introduction.
task achievement
Expand your body paragraphs with more detailed examples to support your points. Specific examples and explanations will make your argument more compelling and complete.
coherence cohesion
Organize your essay more logically by clearly separating your ideas into paragraphs. Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea, supported by examples or further explanation.
coherence cohesion
Enhance the cohesion of your essay by using a variety of linking words and phrases to connect your ideas more smoothly. This will make your writing easier to follow.
general
Pay attention to grammar and spelling errors. Reviewing basic grammar rules and proofreading your work can significantly improve the overall quality of your essay.
task achievement
Consider revising your conclusion to more effectively summarize your main points and reiterate your stance on the topic.
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