IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that school children need to learn practical skills such as car maintenance or bank account management along with the academic subjects at school. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #school #children #skills #car #maintenance #bank #account #management #subjects
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There is an
argue
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argument
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 that says it is good for students to learn handy
skills
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beside with
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besides
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theoritical
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theoretical
subjects
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 in their education process in
schools
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. I firmly disagree with
this
Linking Words
 notion, and limited free
time
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, the more
improtant
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important
subjects
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, and
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the susptibility
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susptibility
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susceptibility
 to damage themselves are my underlying reasons. Nowadays
schools
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 play a crucial role in children’s future, so well
mangement
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management
 of
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schools
Change noun form
schools'
school's
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curicula
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curricula
curriculum
 is vital. it is obvious that the school
curriculm
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curriculums
 around the world has limited free
time
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,
in other
Linking Words
words
Add the comma(s)
words,
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schools
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schools'
school's
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timetable
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timetables
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 will not allow us to put practical
skills
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 in their
curicula
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curricula
curriculum
.
in addition
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, there are many other
subjects
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 which have more importance than practical
skills
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.
for example
Linking Words
, learning about a healthy lifestyle can be much more beneficial than
learnig
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learning
cars
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car
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 maintenance.
moreover
Linking Words
, obviously
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schools
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school
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 children are teenagers who are spending their
clamsy
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calm
 phase.
Thus
Linking Words
,
due to
Linking Words
 the phase, if we make them learn handy
skills
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, we will
exposed
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expose
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 them to harm themselves,
besides
Linking Words
 damaging learning tools.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are some people who claim that these
kind
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kinds
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 of
skills
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 are useful for their future. They can find their talents through
schools
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, improve those talents, and become a
skillful
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skilful
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 person in the field where they
liked
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like
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.
Also
Linking Words
, these
skills
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 are needed for every society, so if they can not achieve success in academic backgrounds, practical
skills
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 will give them another chance to make a living.
However
Linking Words
, these
skills
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 could be easily gained in their spare
time
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 with
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the supervising
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supervising
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supervision
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 of their parents without any pressure of the limited
time
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 or harm. In conclusion, I strongly believe that
duo
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due
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 to
constraints
Correct article usage
the constraints
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 of
school
Add an article
the school
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 timetable, other vital
subjects
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 to learn, and prone to harm it is not
benefical
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beneficial
 for pupils to learn handy
skills
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along with
Linking Words
 academic
subjects
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 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
school.
Submitted by erfanamouie on

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task achievement
Ensure that the introduction clearly presents your main argument or stance regarding the topic. A clearer, succinct thesis statement will strengthen your introduction.
task achievement
Expand your body paragraphs with more detailed examples to support your points. Specific examples and explanations will make your argument more compelling and complete.
coherence cohesion
Organize your essay more logically by clearly separating your ideas into paragraphs. Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea, supported by examples or further explanation.
coherence cohesion
Enhance the cohesion of your essay by using a variety of linking words and phrases to connect your ideas more smoothly. This will make your writing easier to follow.
general
Pay attention to grammar and spelling errors. Reviewing basic grammar rules and proofreading your work can significantly improve the overall quality of your essay.
task achievement
Consider revising your conclusion to more effectively summarize your main points and reiterate your stance on the topic.
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