Some people feel that entertainers such as film stars, pop musicians and sports stars are paid too much money. Do you agree or disagree? Which other type of Job should be highly paid?

#people #entertainers #film #stars #pop #musicians #sports #money #type #job

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Certain individuals believe that people working in the

entertainment

Use synonyms

industry are overpaid.

For instance

Linking Words

, pop singers, movie personalities, and sports stars are generally paid high for each project they undertake,

additionally

Linking Words

, they make even more money via promotional campaigns and

merchandize

Correct your spelling

merchandise

show examples

sales.

Whereas

Linking Words

, essential

workers

Use synonyms

such

Linking Words

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

nurses

Use synonyms

and

police

Use synonyms

officers

Use synonyms

are greatly underpaid

foe

Correct your spelling

for

show examples

their efforts.

Hence

Linking Words

, I wish to agree

Change preposition

with

show examples

the captioned notion.

To begin

Linking Words

with, celebrities in the

entertainment

Use synonyms

industry have

multiples

Fix the agreement mistake

multiple

show examples

sources of income via their main job,

Linking Words

Correct pronoun usage

which

show examples

this

Correct pronoun usage

which

show examples

enables them to be paid generously. Apart from their main projects, most celebrities are involved in carrying out multiple promotional activities

due to

Linking Words

their popularity.

This

Linking Words

includes selling products under their name

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

and associating with specific brands to improve

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

brand recognition.

This

Linking Words

enables them to earn even more in their line of

work

Use synonyms

furthermore

Linking Words

, people working as entertainers have the liberty of demanding their designed pay for the projects they take up.

For example

Linking Words

, an article published by

billboard music

Correct your spelling

Billboard Music

show examples

stated that, from the year 2021 to 2023 most of the pop singers earn a minimum of 1 million USD only via brand endorsements, which is just a fraction

from

Change preposition

show examples

their total income.

Hence

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, it is evident that

entertainment

Use synonyms

artists are overpaid.

On the other hand

Linking Words

, certain medical

workers

Use synonyms

such

Linking Words

nurses

Use synonyms

and government

workers

Use synonyms

such

Linking Words

police

Use synonyms

officers

Use synonyms

are not paid enough considering the time, and effort they put in. Individuals who

work

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police

Use synonyms

officers

Use synonyms

and healthcare

nurses

Use synonyms

have extremely stressful jobs as they are constantly handling critical conditions. They are expected to be on call when ungently required, and they are

also

Linking Words

expected to

work

Use synonyms

on public holidays.

Linking Words

However

Add a comma

However,

show examples

they are not paid enough for the amount of

work

Use synonyms

they do.

For instance

Linking Words

, in the

U.S

Correct your spelling

U.S.

healthcare

nurses

Use synonyms

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

average make about 2500-3000 USD per month excluding taxes.

Thus

Linking Words

, I believe that individuals involved in

such

Linking Words

jobs should

be receiving

Wrong verb form

receive

show examples

Remove the article

apply

show examples

better pay. In conclusion, entertainers have the option of demanding and setting a pay they are comfortable with, and they are able to use their celebrity status to make even more money by marketing their name.

Whereas

Linking Words

, some essential

workers

Use synonyms

nurses

Use synonyms

and

police

Use synonyms

officers

Use synonyms

are overworked and underpaid.

Hence

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

writer is of the firm opinion that

entertainment

Use synonyms

workers

Use synonyms

mainly pop singers,

movie

Correct word choice

and movie

show examples

and sports celebrities are extremely overpaid.

Submitted by dinaka0001 on Thu Feb 15 2024

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Task Response

To improve Task Response, ensure that your essay directly addresses the given prompt clearly throughout. You could enhance your essay by incorporating a more diverse range of viewpoints and considering potential counterarguments to provide a more balanced discussion.

Coherence and Cohesion

For greater Coherence and Cohesion, aim to make smoother transitions between paragraphs and within them. The use of more varied linking words and phrases could further enhance the flow of ideas. Also, ensure paragraphing is clear, delineating each main idea effectively.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

14
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
6
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
17
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

390 words

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Some people feel that entertainers such as film stars, pop musicians and sports stars are paid too much money. Do you agree or disagree? Which other type of Job should be highly paid?

Word Count

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The government should sometimes infringe on people's freedom for the security of society. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?