Some people believe that adults always do exercise and sports because of the major sports events that shown on T.V like the Olympic Games and Football World Cup. While others say that there are many other ways to encourage them to practice exercises other than T.V shows. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

It is often
Verb problem
Often
show examples
considered that a few individuals reckon that senior citizens always do workout and
sports
Add a missing verb
do sports
show examples
because of the major
games
event
Fix the agreement mistake
events
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that
shows
Wrong verb form
are shown
show examples
on television
such
as
Correct article usage
the olympic
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olympic
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Olympic
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Games
and
Football
Correct article usage
the Football
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World Cup.
Whereas
, other
population
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populations
show examples
think that there are manyfold techniques to motivate them to practice exercises. In my, an inclined the aged masses have
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
ample
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
ways to do outdoor
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
and sports.
Thus
,
this
essay will elaborate on both notions which
further
leads to a logical conclusion.
Commencing
Verb problem
apply
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, the contemporary world consists of old people who
feels
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feel
show examples
ecstatic when they follow the lifestyles of their favourite
personality
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personalities
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although
they used to copy them in every sense which is helpful for
elder
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elderly
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one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
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to do yogas.
Moreover
, the
T.V
Correct your spelling
TV
serials
includes
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include
show examples
all age group members
along with
adult
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
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, which provokes them to do exercises and play
games
.
For example
, "The Times of India" a newspaper illustrate the story of Amitabh Bachan which revolves around his health routine. Probing ahead, the population in the modern era can make regular family welfares for health benefit
informations
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information
pieces of information
show examples
and
additionally
, some game concerts should
also
be organized by the societies for the grand family member, so they will get eager to take part in it.
For instance
, in China, the government are too serious
for
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about
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a
Correct article usage
the
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health of
a
Correct article usage
the
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folk, so they conduct yoga classes on
daily
Correct article usage
a daily
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basis
with
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apply
show examples
free of cost for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
adults
as well as
youths. In a nutshell, it is essential that major shows and sports
of
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on
show examples
television
imparts
Verb problem
have
show examples
a great impact on netizens which
influence
Correct subject-verb agreement
influences
show examples
them to play
games
and do morning walks. The screens may be detrimental for the older
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
show examples
so
instead
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
watching these shows, it is better to join
welfares
Fix the agreement mistake
welfare
show examples
and influence in the folk
games
.
Submitted by vermarohit981.rv on

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task achievement
Your essay presents ideas of both views and your opinion, however, the examples provided are vague or generalized such as the mention of 'The Times of India' story without specific details. Try to include more detailed, relevant examples to support your points effectively.
coherence cohesion
You have managed to create paragraphs for different sections, introduction, views, and conclusion which aids in the comprehension of your essay. However, the transitions between ideas within paragraphs can be made smoother. Consider using more linking phrases and topic sentences to ensure each paragraph flows logically from one idea to the next.
coherence cohesion
Ensure your introduction and conclusion are clear and directly address the essay prompt. Your conclusion does summarize the essay's main points, but it could be strengthened by unequivocally stating your opinion and linking it more directly to the discussion throughout the essay.
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