Some people believe that adults always do exercise and sports because of the major sports events that shown on T.V like the Olympic Games and Football World Cup. While others say that there are many other ways to encourage them to practice exercises other than T.V shows. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
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It is often
considered that a few individuals reckon that senior citizens always do workout and Verb problem
Often
sports
because of the major Add a missing verb
do sports
games
event
that Fix the agreement mistake
events
shows
on television Wrong verb form
are shown
such
as Correct article usage
the olympic
olympic
Change the capitalization
Olympic
Games
and Football
World Cup. Correct article usage
the Football
Whereas
, other population
think that there are manyfold techniques to motivate them to practice exercises. In my, an inclined the aged masses have Change the wording
populations
an
ample Correct article usage
apply
of
ways to do outdoor Change preposition
apply
works
and sports. Fix the agreement mistake
work
Thus
, this
essay will elaborate on both notions which further
leads to a logical conclusion.
Commencing
, the contemporary world consists of old people who Verb problem
apply
feels
ecstatic when they follow the lifestyles of their favourite Change the verb form
feel
personality
Fix the agreement mistake
personalities
although
they used to copy them in every sense which is helpful for elder
Replace the word
elderly
one
to do yogas. Correct pronoun usage
ones
Moreover
, the T.V
serials Correct your spelling
TV
includes
all age group members Change the verb form
include
along with
adult person
, which provokes them to do exercises and play Fix the agreement mistake
people
games
. For example
, "The Times of India" a newspaper illustrate the story of Amitabh Bachan which revolves around his health routine.
Probing ahead, the population in the modern era can make regular family welfares for health benefit informations
and Change the wording
information
pieces of information
additionally
, some game concerts should also
be organized by the societies for the grand family member, so they will get eager to take part in it. For instance
, in China, the government are too serious for
Change preposition
about
a
health of Correct article usage
the
a
folk, so they conduct yoga classes on Correct article usage
the
daily
basis Correct article usage
a daily
with
free of cost for Change preposition
apply
the
adults Correct article usage
apply
as well as
youths.
In a nutshell, it is essential that major shows and sports of
television Change preposition
on
imparts
a great impact on netizens which Verb problem
have
influence
them to play Correct subject-verb agreement
influences
games
and do morning walks. The screens may be detrimental for the older one
so Correct pronoun usage
ones
instead
to
watching these shows, it is better to join Change preposition
of
welfares
and influence in the folk Fix the agreement mistake
welfare
games
.Submitted by vermarohit981.rv on
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task achievement
Your essay presents ideas of both views and your opinion, however, the examples provided are vague or generalized such as the mention of 'The Times of India' story without specific details. Try to include more detailed, relevant examples to support your points effectively.
coherence cohesion
You have managed to create paragraphs for different sections, introduction, views, and conclusion which aids in the comprehension of your essay. However, the transitions between ideas within paragraphs can be made smoother. Consider using more linking phrases and topic sentences to ensure each paragraph flows logically from one idea to the next.
coherence cohesion
Ensure your introduction and conclusion are clear and directly address the essay prompt. Your conclusion does summarize the essay's main points, but it could be strengthened by unequivocally stating your opinion and linking it more directly to the discussion throughout the essay.