Some people believe that adults always do exercise and sports because of the major sports events that shown on T.V like the Olympic Games and Football World Cup. While others say that there are many other ways to encourage them to practice exercises other than T.V shows. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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It is often
Verb problem
Often

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considered that a few individuals reckon that senior citizens always do workout and
sports
Add a missing verb
do sports

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because of the major
games
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

event
Fix the agreement mistake
events

It seems that event may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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that
shows
Wrong verb form
are shown

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb shows. Consider changing it.

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on television
such
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

as
Correct article usage
the olympic
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olympic
Change the capitalization
Olympic

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Games
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

and
Football
Correct article usage
the Football

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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World Cup.
Whereas
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, other
population
Change the wording
populations

The adjective other appears to be modifying the singular noun population. Consider making a change.

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think that there are manyfold techniques to motivate them to practice exercises. In my, an inclined the aged masses have
an
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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ample
of
Change preposition
apply

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ways to do outdoor
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work

It seems that works may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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and sports.
Thus
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
this
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essay will elaborate on both notions which
further
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leads to a logical conclusion.
Commencing
Verb problem
apply

There may be a verb use issue here.

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, the contemporary world consists of old people who
feels
Change the verb form
feel

The verb feels does not seem to agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

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ecstatic when they follow the lifestyles of their favourite
personality
Fix the agreement mistake
personalities

It seems that personality may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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although
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

they used to copy them in every sense which is helpful for
elder
Replace the word
elderly

The word elder doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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one
Correct pronoun usage
ones

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

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to do yogas.
Moreover
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, the
T.V
Correct your spelling
TV

If you don’t want T.V to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

serials
includes
Change the verb form
include

The singular verb includes does not appear to agree with the plural subject serials. Consider changing the verb form for subject-verb agreement.

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all age group members
along with
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

adult
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people

It seems that person may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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, which provokes them to do exercises and play
games
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.
For example
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, "The Times of India" a newspaper illustrate the story of Amitabh Bachan which revolves around his health routine. Probing ahead, the population in the modern era can make regular family welfares for health benefit
informations
Change the wording
information
pieces of information

It appears that informations is an uncountable noun and should not be made plural. Consider changing the noun.

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and
additionally
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, some game concerts should
also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

be organized by the societies for the grand family member, so they will get eager to take part in it.
For instance
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, in China, the government are too serious
for
Change preposition
about

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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a
Correct article usage
the

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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health of
a
Correct article usage
the

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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folk, so they conduct yoga classes on
daily
Correct article usage
a daily

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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basis
with
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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free of cost for
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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adults
as well as
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

youths. In a nutshell, it is essential that major shows and sports
of
Change preposition
on

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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television
imparts
Verb problem
have

There may be a verb use issue here.

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a great impact on netizens which
influence
Correct subject-verb agreement
influences

It seems that the verb influence does not agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

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them to play
games
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

and do morning walks. The screens may be detrimental for the older
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

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so
instead
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

to
Change preposition
of

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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watching these shows, it is better to join
welfares
Fix the agreement mistake
welfare

It seems that welfares may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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and influence in the folk
games
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.

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task achievement
Your essay presents ideas of both views and your opinion, however, the examples provided are vague or generalized such as the mention of 'The Times of India' story without specific details. Try to include more detailed, relevant examples to support your points effectively.
coherence cohesion
You have managed to create paragraphs for different sections, introduction, views, and conclusion which aids in the comprehension of your essay. However, the transitions between ideas within paragraphs can be made smoother. Consider using more linking phrases and topic sentences to ensure each paragraph flows logically from one idea to the next.
coherence cohesion
Ensure your introduction and conclusion are clear and directly address the essay prompt. Your conclusion does summarize the essay's main points, but it could be strengthened by unequivocally stating your opinion and linking it more directly to the discussion throughout the essay.
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