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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

The diagram below show the life cycle of a species of large fish called the salmon. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison where relevant.

The diagram below show the life cycle of a species of large fish called the salmon. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison where relevant.
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The diagram illustrates the process of the
salmon
Use synonyms
's life cycle. They describe three stages that
adress
Correct your spelling
address
 how
salmon
Use synonyms
 grow
about
Change preposition
for about
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10years
Correct your spelling
10 years
. In the first stage, they were in
upper
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the upper
an upper
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river
Use synonyms
 by
status
Add an article
the status
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 of
egg
Correct article usage
the egg
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.
Salmon
Use synonyms
's
egg
Fix the agreement mistake
eggs
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 are smaller than the small stones located beside them, below the reeds.
Also
Linking Words
,
upper
Add an article
the upper
show examples
river
Use synonyms
 shows slow moves.
In addition
Linking Words
, in 5-6 months, they become a fry which
called
Add a missing verb
is called
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 the youngest
salmon
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.
Next,
Linking Words
frys move to the lower
river
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 where
flow
Correct subject-verb agreement
flows
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 fast
then
Linking Words
 stay for 4years. Following that, they become almost threefold bigger than before, they move to the open sea.
Finally
Linking Words
, they become adult
salmon
Use synonyms
 which
has
Verb problem
is
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 approximately 5-6 times larger than smolt. After the
5year
Correct your spelling
5 years
, adult
salmon
Use synonyms
 go back to
upper
Add an article
the upper
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river
Use synonyms
 where they
initially
Linking Words
 came from.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words salmon, river with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "moves" was used 3 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • life cycle
  • species
  • freshwater
  • marine habitat
  • larvae
  • fry
  • smolts
  • spawn
  • anadromous
  • survival rates
  • migrate/migration
  • vulnerability
  • adaptation
  • maturation
  • environmental conditions
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