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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

It is expected in the near future that there will be a higher proportion of old people compared to younger population in some countries. Is it a positive or negative development? Give your opinion and examples.

#future #proportion #people #population #countries #development
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Due to
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 the advancement in medicine, life expectancy has considerably increased in many parts of the world. It is predicted that the number of old
people
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 will rise in the near future. It is admitted that older
people
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 can bring benefits to the public.
However
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, it may be an unfavourable change
overall
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. There are a number of positive effects associated with elderly
people
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 in societies. Seniors always pass on their knowledge, wisdom and expertise to the next generation. They possess a wealth of experience, which may be valuable for guiding young
people
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. Apart from that, in many countries, old
people
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 play a crucial role in providing support to their families. They,
for example
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, can look after children which allows parents to concentrate on other responsibilities.
Nevertheless
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, the increasing number of older
people
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 can bring about several problems.
Firstly
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, they are likely a major financial burden on the government budget. Most of them are unable to meet their needs.
For
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this
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 reason,the government should provide them financially in the form of pensions. Another issue is that as most of them require medical care services, governments have to allocate essential drugs
as well as
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 build resorts without charge so as to maintain their health. As an example of
this
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 view, there are some special recreational places in every region of our country
such
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 as Aktash, Zamin and so on. In
such
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 kinds of zones, the elderly are provided with distinctive medical care by geriatricians and involved in relaxation activities like yoga or meditation. In conclusion,
whereas
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 older generations have a superior role in society, they tend to demand excessive attention from both authorities and their offspring.
That is
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 why, the drastic growth of them can cause several inconveniences and negative consequences in the long run.
Submitted by saydusmonovasomiddin94 on

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Task Achievement
Make sure to restate your opinion clearly in the conclusion to reinforce your argument. This makes your position unmistakable to the reader.
Coherence and Cohesion
To enhance coherence, consider varying your transitional phrases more. While your essay flows well, utilizing a wider range of transitions can showcase your linguistic range and make the progression of ideas more dynamic.
Task Achievement
For an even stronger essay, aim to deepen your analysis of the examples provided. Instead of simply listing examples, delve into how and why these examples support your main points. This will enrich your argument and demonstrate critical thinking skills.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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