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Band 3

some people work for the same organisation all their working life. others think that it is better to work for different organisatiobs. discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #work #organisation #life #organisatiobs
A large number of
people
 prefer to
work
 in one organization without changing it.
While
 others think that
to
Change the verb form
working
show examples
work
 in more than one department is more
successfully
Change the word
successful
show examples
.
To begin
 with, those who think staying in the first place that they
work
 in
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
 them to understand and feel more comfortable with other staff.
Moreover
, some individuals when they keep working in the same company will transfer their job level to the best situation.
For example
, in some companies, the manager gives those excellent and older staff upgrade
functional
Replace the word
functions
show examples
 as a reward for them. For that, an army of
people
love
Change the verb form
loves
show examples
 to
set
Correct your spelling
sit
show examples
 in the same organization over
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
age.
On the other hand
, a large number of
people
 like to
work
 in different organizations for many reasons. First of all, all companies have different experiences and that helps individuals to learn new information about working life.
Besides
 that, meeting thousands of
people
 and spending time working with them will improve a lot of my own skills
such
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 language and working under pressure. And all those
staffs
Fix the agreement mistake
staff
show examples
 will use their new skills and what they
had
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 learned to start their own company. All in all, working in one department over our age may help us to get a perfect level,
However
, different organizations working develop our life and job skills.
Submitted by hafsaalbadi199 on

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introduction
Ensure your introduction clearly presents the topics being discussed, followed by a thesis statement that outlines your opinion.
cohesion
Use a variety of linking words to connect ideas more effectively, without over-relying on simple connectors like 'Moreover', 'Besides that', etc.
conclusion
Your conclusion should succinctly summarize the points made and reiterate your opinion, making it clear to the reader.
sentence clarity
To improve clarity, work on sentence structure and avoid run-on sentences or overly complex sentence constructions that can confuse readers.
balance in discussion
Provide a more balanced discussion by equally elaborating on both views before stating your own opinion. Aim to explore each perspective with similar depth and detail.
grammar
Pay attention to grammar and punctuation. Regular practice and reading can help improve your grammatical accuracy.
vocabulary
Incorporate a wider range of vocabulary to better express your ideas. This also involves using precise terms relevant to the topic of discussion.
spelling and accuracy
Proofread your essays to correct any spelling mistakes and ensure the correct use of words.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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