Violence and crime have increased in most major cities of the world. Some people say this is because children now play violent video games online. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
In contemporary times, most major cities of the
world
are concerned with the increase in violence and crime, including many cases by teenagers. And some people say that the
Correct article usage
apply
teen-age
Correct your spelling
teenage
children
have taken the majority of all
the crime rate, and Correct determiner usage
apply
this
is what I'm afraid I have to disagree with.
After surprisingly developing media technology and mobile device technology, it is possible to share various contents, which are created by unknowns, from the world
. It's one of the most beneficial things we can have, but they upload some wrong content, called 'Challenges' to show our children
and us. It caused them to do the challenges without thinking of what it was wrong or right to do. For example
, one of them is about randomly stealing cars on streets and driving them straight away through pedestrian roads, even if people are walking on the road. Those behaviors
have sparked to make other Change the spelling
behaviours
youngers
try to do it more and more. Even when they are captured by police officers, they don't worry about what will happen to them because they are too young to get any punishment and say, "We just tried to do something like online games. What is different between Correct your spelling
younger
this
world
and the virtual world
?".
Therefore
, people have been shocked by this
nonsense situation; children
are confusing reality with the online world
. But we should know that all the children
act according to
what they have seen and learned via SNS and media content without any warning to make them recognize what this
video will cause. Thus
, we should set precise content filters to avoid showing that to children
first and teach them what is wrong or right to do in real life.
In the contemporary era, a noticeable surge in violence and crime has emerged across major cities worldwide, with teenagers being implicated in a significant number of cases. According to
some individuals, this
rise is attributed to the proliferation of violent video games played by children
online. However
, I respectfully disagree with this
viewpoint.Submitted by lss870311 on
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task achievement
Introduce a clear thesis statement articulating your position near the beginning of the essay. This sets up a clear argumentative direction for your essay and informs the reader of your stance early on. Avoid ambivalence to strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
In the development of your paragraphs, aim for a more linear structure that clearly connects your ideas and examples to your overarching thesis. Use cohesive devices like 'firstly', 'moreover', and 'consequently' to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Consider revising your conclusion to more directly reiterate your thesis statement and summarize your main arguments. It should leave the reader with a clear understanding of your stance and the evidence you presented to support it.
task achievement
Enhance task achievement by providing a balanced argument with examples on both sides of the debate (if applicable) before firmly stating your own opinion. This approach demonstrates your ability to critically evaluate and discuss the topic in depth.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.