Violence and crime have increased in most major cities of the world. Some people say this is because children now play violent video games online. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In contemporary times, most major cities of the
world
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are concerned with the increase in violence and crime, including many cases by teenagers. And some people say that
the
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apply
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teen-age
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teenage
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children
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have taken the majority of
all
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apply
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the crime rate, and
this
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is what I'm afraid I have to disagree with. After surprisingly developing media technology and mobile device technology, it is possible to share various contents, which are created by unknowns, from the
world
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. It's one of the most beneficial things we can have, but they upload some wrong content, called 'Challenges' to show our
children
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and us. It caused them to do the challenges without thinking of what it was wrong or right to do.
For example
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, one of them is about randomly stealing cars on streets and driving them straight away through pedestrian roads, even if people are walking on the road. Those
behaviors
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behaviours
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have sparked to make other
youngers
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younger
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try to do it more and more. Even when they are captured by police officers, they don't worry about what will happen to them because they are too young to get any punishment and say, "We just tried to do something like online games. What is different between
this
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world
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and the virtual
world
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?".
Therefore
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, people have been shocked by
this
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nonsense situation;
children
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are confusing reality with the online
world
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. But we should know that all the
children
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act
according to
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what they have seen and learned via SNS and media content without any warning to make them recognize what
this
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video will cause.
Thus
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, we should set precise content filters to avoid showing that to
children
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first and teach them what is wrong or right to do in real life. In the contemporary era, a noticeable surge in violence and crime has emerged across major cities worldwide, with teenagers being implicated in a significant number of cases.
According to
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some individuals,
this
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rise is attributed to the proliferation of violent video games played by
children
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online.
However
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, I respectfully disagree with
this
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viewpoint.
Submitted by lss870311 on

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Introduce a clear thesis statement articulating your position near the beginning of the essay. This sets up a clear argumentative direction for your essay and informs the reader of your stance early on. Avoid ambivalence to strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
In the development of your paragraphs, aim for a more linear structure that clearly connects your ideas and examples to your overarching thesis. Use cohesive devices like 'firstly', 'moreover', and 'consequently' to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Consider revising your conclusion to more directly reiterate your thesis statement and summarize your main arguments. It should leave the reader with a clear understanding of your stance and the evidence you presented to support it.
task achievement
Enhance task achievement by providing a balanced argument with examples on both sides of the debate (if applicable) before firmly stating your own opinion. This approach demonstrates your ability to critically evaluate and discuss the topic in depth.

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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