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Writing Samples
Band 6

The chart below shows the places visited by different people living in Canada. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the places visited by different people living in Canada. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#places #people #canada #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The bar chart demonstrates three groups of
people
Use synonyms
 in the
percentage
Use synonyms
 who visit four public places in Canada.
Overall
Linking Words
, a minimal proportion of the given groups visit theatres.
However
Linking Words
, among the groups of
people
Use synonyms
, the
percentage
Use synonyms
 fluctuates in four categories. Looking at the data more closely, cinema goes in first place in the list, making 50%, 65% 70% for new
migrants
Use synonyms
 from other
countries
Use synonyms
,
migrants
Use synonyms
 born in English-speaking
countries
Use synonyms
 and those born in Canada respectively. The second position is shared by the zoo and library.
However
Linking Words
, a higher
percentage
Use synonyms
 of new
migrants
Use synonyms
 from other
countries
Use synonyms
 (55%) choose the library,
while
Linking Words
 as for Zooz, the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 from English-speaking
countries
Use synonyms
 leads, comprising 50%. Analysing the chart, the highest
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 born in Canada prefer cinemas. As for the next group, which includes new
migrants
Use synonyms
 born in other
countries
Use synonyms
, the major proportion visit the library.
Finally
Linking Words
, the predominant
percentage
Use synonyms
 of those born in English-speaking
countries
Use synonyms
 goes to the cinema.
Submitted by julykryuchkova on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, percentage, migrants, countries with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 6 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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