Some people believe that the responsibility is with the government to control the rise in obesity in children, others think the parents are the cause. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #responsibility #government #control #rise #obesity #children #parents

It is a widely held view that the rate of

obesity

has soared to an alarming rate during the

last

decades, most worryingly, children are the main target of

this

life-threatening issue.

While

a group of people argue that it’s

government’s

Correct article usage

the government’s

show examples

responsibility to find a solution to control the rise of

obesity

in children, another group, including me, believes that

parents

can have

Add an article

a more

show examples

significant role. Some people claim that

kid’s

Change noun form

the

show examples

obesity

issue is a problem which

government

Correct article usage

the government

show examples

should solve

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

. Their main justification is that

government

Correct article usage

the government

show examples

can increase children’s awareness about

this

disease by teaching them in schools. The more they understand

about

Change preposition

apply

show examples

the consequences of being

over-weight

Correct your spelling

overweight

show examples

, the less they eat junk

foods

Fix the agreement mistake

food

show examples

For example

, the authorities can provide some points about the

drawback

Fix the agreement mistake

drawbacks

show examples

obesity

in their books.

This

action can affect

Change preposition

apply

show examples

children’s

subconcsious

Correct your spelling

subconscious

awareness. The next explanation is that government can decrease

sport

Change the noun form

sports

show examples

center’s

Change the spelling

centre’s

show examples

tuition to be more appropriate for countless families.

There

Correct pronoun usage

show examples

is no secret that having mobility is the main solution to losing weight,

however

Correct your spelling

show examples

today’s climate,

due to

the

hight

Correct your spelling

high

show examples

rate of inflation,

parents

are not able to provide

their

Change preposition

for their

show examples

families’ necessities let alone

sending

Wrong verb form

send

show examples

their kids to a gym. The other side of the

arguement

Correct your spelling

argument

believes that

parents

spend

long

Change the article

a long

show examples

time with their toddlers

Change preposition

show examples

home, so they can monitor them tightly. First and foremost,

parents

can create the opportunity

of eating

Change preposition

to eat

show examples

healthy foods in the family. Not only can

this

help to

losing

Change the verb form

lose

show examples

weight but

also

prevent

Correct subject-verb agreement

prevents

show examples

serious illnesses

such

as cancer and diabetes. They can increase the variety of foods which are healthy and delicious.

Last

but not least,

parents

can encourage their children to do

out-door

Correct your spelling

outdoor

show examples

activities

such

as football and swimming.

Change preposition

show examples

early ages, kids need to be active to release their energy, unless they become fat and slothful. What can be

conculded

Correct your spelling

concluded

from the discussion revolving around children’s

obesity

is it seems rational to subscribe to the view that

parent’s

Change noun form

parent

show examples

monitoring can be more effective.

Submitted by ashkanmlk80 on Fri Feb 16 2024

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Task Achievement

To improve Task Achievement, ensure your essay fully addresses all parts of the task. Your essay presents a clear position and discusses both views, but could benefit from more specific examples and data to support arguments. Incorporate real-life examples or studies to strengthen your position and highlight the impact of government or parental actions on children’s obesity.

Coherence and Cohesion

For better Coherence and Cohesion, make your essay logically organized by using a range of cohesive devices effectively. Consider varying your transition phrases for a smoother flow between ideas and paragraphs. Additionally, ensure paragraphs are well-structured, with clear topic sentences that introduce the main idea followed by supporting sentences and a concluding sentence to summarize the point.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
29Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

330 words

5.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people believe that the responsibility is with the government to control the rise in obesity in children, others think the parents are the cause. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

Nowadays, more people are migrating to other countries than ever before. In order to become integrated into society in their adopted countries, immigrants should abandon their old ways and adapt to local custom and codes of behavior. Do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that all entertainment television programs should educate people about the importance of social issues. Do you agree or disagree?

Some people believe that using animals to test the safety of human medicines is cruel and unwarranted, whereas others feel it is a medical necessity. Discuss both views and state your own opinion.

In some countries, more and more people are becoming interestedin finding out about the history of the house or the building they live in. What are the reason for this? How can people research this?

In a number of countries, some people think it is necessary to spend large sums of money on constructing new railway lines for very fast trains between cities. Others believe the money should be spent on improving existing public transport. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.