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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

online shopping seems to be replacing the traditional method of buying. however some buyers are sceptical to this practice. discuss both benefits and risks associated with online shopping

#method #buyers #practice #risks
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Nowadays, there are plenty of methods of shopping than previous time, which as online shopping. Consumers prefer
this
 technique for many reasons
although
 there are a lot of problems that might be lead to when using
this
 method. On the one hand, online shopping can have different benefits than traditional methods. The
first,
the easy way when searching for clothes,
Correct word choice
and grocery
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grocery
Fix the agreement mistake
groceries
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,
for example
, there is a plenty
Change preposition
of app
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app
Fix the agreement mistake
apps
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 that can
use is
Verb problem
be used
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 whether on
phone
Correct article usage
a phone
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, tablet or laptop.
Moreover
, you can reach any product at any place or time. On festival days, these apps offer a huge discount that everyone waiting to save their money during these days.
Furthermore
, the traditional way makes people make a lot of effort and leads them to spend more money through their way for benzene, and for their food,
also
 those who have kids always spend much more than others because kids force their
parent
Fix the agreement mistake
parents
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 to purchase everything that they want.
On the other hand
, the bad thing about online shopping is that have a risk side , especially for those people who do not understand how to use these websites and apps. There are fake websites that aim to scam people and want to take their money. Apart from that, sometimes there are no authorities under those websites to reverse your rights.
In addition
, some kids make an online order without knowing their parents; so when the order is coming, the family is suddenly surprised and focused on paying enormous sums. In the end, technology makes our life so convenient and helpful but we have to be careful when shopping online and to make sure whether the website is fake or real.
Submitted by kazza735 on

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Introduction
Ensure a clear introduction that briefly outlines both perspectives of the argument to help guide the reader. Your introduction could be more focused on the specific task of discussing the benefits and risks of online shopping.
Coherence & Cohesion
Organize your essay into clear paragraphs, each focusing on a single main idea. Use topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to indicate the main idea to the reader.
Coherence & Cohesion
Use transitional phrases to clearly link your ideas and paragraphs. This will help in achieving better logical flow throughout the essay.
Task Achievement
Expand on your points with more detailed and specific examples. This helps in demonstrating a thorough understanding of the topic and strengthens your argument.
Grammar & Accuracy
Be more vigilant with spelling and grammar as mistakes can detract from the clarity of your argument. Consider revising sentences that are awkward or unclear.
Conclusion
A clear conclusion that summarizes the main points discussed and reiterates your stance on online shopping could enhance the overall coherence of your essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • unparalleled convenience
  • vast selection
  • digital platforms
  • comparison shopping
  • impulsive buying
  • aggressive marketing tactics
  • risk of fraud
  • counterfeit goods
  • compromised personal data
  • immediate satisfaction
  • physical examination
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