IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Nowadyas, many medical research projects are funded by private companies. In your opinion, do you think that research should be carried by private companies, individuals or governent? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience

#nowadyas #research #projects #companies #individuals #governent
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, the funding of many medical
research
Use synonyms
 initiatives relies heavily on financial
support
Use synonyms
 from private corporations. From my perspective, the conduct of medical
research
Use synonyms
 should be primarily shouldered by private
companies
Use synonyms
, with the
support
Use synonyms
 of individual and government funding. Below, I will provide a compelling rationale for why private enterprises are well-suited for
this
Linking Words
 role, supported by relevant examples. First and foremost, private institutions often have their own specific objectives as part of their business pursuits. These objectives are aligned with the values of medical
research
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 as raising public awareness about personal health.
For instance
Linking Words
, a notable example is Indofood, the largest food manufacturing company in Indonesia, which provides additional
support
Use synonyms
 to medical students for their
research
Use synonyms
projects
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
support
Use synonyms
 includes the provision of essential medical equipment
such
Linking Words
 as stethoscopes, health-testing kits, and weight scales. These initiatives serve as potent evidence of private
companies
Use synonyms
' commitment to meeting their organizational goals
while
Linking Words
also
Linking Words
 contributing to public health awareness.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, in order to execute
research
Use synonyms
projects
Use synonyms
 effectively, substantial financial resources are indispensable. Private sector sponsorship stands out as a viable option for securing the necessary funding. It is well-known that many industries are primarily driven by profit motives.
Consequently
Linking Words
, they are more amenable to providing financial
support
Use synonyms
 for worthy causes,
such
Linking Words
 as
research
Use synonyms
endeavors
Change the spelling
endeavours
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, Unilever allocates a special budget to
support
Use synonyms
 environmental experts who are dedicated to combating climate change in Indonesia.
This
Linking Words
 demonstrates how private
companies
Use synonyms
 can play a pivotal role in funding
research
Use synonyms
projects
Use synonyms
 that address critical societal issues. It is undeniable that financial resources are crucial for supporting
research
Use synonyms
endeavors
Change the spelling
endeavours
show examples
. As long as the objectives of the
research
Use synonyms
 align with the values of private
companies
Use synonyms
, and it is recognized that profit is their primary motivation, collaboration with these entities can be highly beneficial for researchers in obtaining the necessary
support
Use synonyms
 for their
projects
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
To improve task response, aim to discuss other perspectives as well, besides focusing primarily on private companies. Include a balanced evaluation of how individuals and government funding can also impact medical research. This will make your essay more comprehensive and responsive to the prompt.
Coherence & Cohesion
To strengthen coherence and cohesion, consider using a wider range of linking phrases to better connect your ideas. While your essay has a clear structure, more sophisticated transitions could enhance the flow between paragraphs and within them. It's also helpful to summarize the key points more clearly in the conclusion to reinforce the argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • diversified funding
  • cutting-edge
  • financial capabilities
  • innovative solutions
  • conflicts of interest
  • public health crises
  • long-term projects
  • philanthropists
  • nonprofit organizations
  • ethical considerations
  • transparency
  • public accountability
What to do next:
Look at other essays: