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Band 5.5

Some people believe that teenagers should always follow the example of the older people. Others believe that teenagers should question what older people say. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #teenagers
One of the most critical and important stages of a child's life is teenagehood. many life-changing decisions are taken in that period and the experiences are long-lasting. Some folks say that
teenagers
 should always follow the older
ones
' advice,
while
 others believe that they ultimately have to think on their own to find the correct way. In my point of view, the latter opinion is more logical and suitable for
teenagers
. The advocators of youngsters being led by older
people
's advice argue that the more mature
people
 have more life experience.
Hence
, they are more likely to know the outcome of many actions and decisions and they are capable of processing the matters and coming up with a reaction based on logic and less based on emotions.
Also
, they can think long-term and they provide solutions which
does
Change the verb form
do
show examples
 not have negative effects on the future. These are the properties which young
ones
 usually cannot have.
Therefore
, it is essential to follow the lead of older fellows.
On the other hand
, some folks say that
teenagers
 might come up with new and better solutions as well. As time goes by, some viewpoints of
previous
Change the article
the previous
show examples
 generation are becoming deprecated. Many of them are
mythes
Correct your spelling
myths
 with no logical roots and are mostly based on cultural matters. So,
youngters
Correct your spelling
youngsters
 which are the new generation, may question these views with their wisdom and tackle issues more effectively than the more mature fellows.
Therefore
,
teenagers
 should be allowed to think on their own and come up with their own solutions in life.
Overall
,
There
Fix capitalization
there
show examples
 are two different
point
Change to a plural noun
points
show examples
 of
views
Fix the agreement mistake
view
show examples
 about young
people
 chasing the guidance of older
ones
. Some say they should always do so because of mature folk's
experinece
Correct your spelling
experience
. Others argue that they should be allowed to doubt
these advice
Change the determiner
this advice
show examples
 because they may be wrong and
younsters
Correct your spelling
youngsters
 can provide better answers. I agree with the second group of
people
 and I think that sometimes
teenagers
 are wiser than older
ones
 and they should be able to think without
guidence
Correct your spelling
guidance
.
Submitted by mohamad.sanaye462 on

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task achievement
Focus on developing each point with more concrete examples and details. While you've touched on the main viewpoints, providing specific instances or scenarios could further strengthen your argument and make your essay more convincing.
coherence cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, consider connecting your paragraphs and ideas more fluidly. While the essay has logical structure, transitions between paragraphs can be improved. Phrases like 'On the other hand...' and 'In conclusion...' help, but more subtle transitions could create a smoother flow of ideas.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to the variety and complexity of your sentences to avoid repetitive structures. Try to incorporate a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences to demonstrate language flexibility.
general
Proofread your essay for minor grammatical errors and typos. While the overall meaning is clear, occasional slips can distract from your message.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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