IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

High job demands, stress and sense of commitment are among the main reasons people go to work when they are ill. This way they accomplish important tasks, but may infect others or get some serious health problems themselves. In your opinion should people go to work if they are sick? Support your point of view with relevant examples from your knowledge or experience. You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write at least 250 words.

#job #demands #stress #sense #commitment #people #work #tasks #health #support #point #minutes
Since time immemorial,
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 always been
on
Correct your spelling
one
show examples
 of the vital
minefield
Fix the agreement mistake
minefields
show examples
 of societies. There is a thesis that people should be present at work despite illness
which
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 many individuals,
included
Wrong verb form
including
show examples
 me, strongly do not subscribe
this
Change preposition
to this
show examples
view
by
Change preposition
for
show examples
 many considerable
reason
Change to a plural noun
reasons
show examples
. From
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
show examples
 and
efficiant prespective
Correct your spelling
efficient perspective
,
Correct article usage
the existance
show examples
existance
Correct your spelling
existence
 of one who can be a spreading
virous
Correct your spelling
virus
 or infection in deed, might be a
wronge
Correct your spelling
wrong
view
. ill people can easily transport their problems
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
show examples
 in pandemic
time
Fix the agreement mistake
times
show examples
 like Corona
virous
Correct your spelling
virus
various
. A clear result is
increasing
Correct article usage
an increasing
show examples
 number of
disable
Wrong verb form
disabled
show examples
 or weak employees. On another hand,
these
Correct pronoun usage
those
show examples
 who can not
concentrat
Correct your spelling
concentrate
 on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
performance, decelerate
total
Correct article usage
the total
show examples
effective
Replace the word
effectiveness
show examples
 of labour and employees
beacuse
Correct your spelling
because
 of
domination
Correct article usage
the domination
show examples
 of ill factors.
Drawback
Add an article
The drawback
A drawback
show examples
 of
this
 will be more mistakes and false
outlet
Fix the agreement mistake
outlets
show examples
 in the future of
company
Add an article
the company
show examples
. Turning
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
Add an article
the situation
a situation
show examples
situation
Fix the agreement mistake
situations
show examples
which
Change preposition
in which
show examples
 one may go home and get free days from
boss
Add an article
the boss
a boss
show examples
, people can obtain not only more
satisfication
Correct your spelling
satisfaction
 but
also
 using replace manner like
telecommuty
Correct your spelling
telecommuting
telecommute
. From
moral
Correct article usage
a moral
show examples
view
, relaxing and taking care of
handforce
Correct your spelling
force
 can improve the atmosphere of working
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
show examples
.
This
 reaction of employers or
head
Fix the agreement mistake
heads
show examples
 of companies enhances
mental
Add an article
the mental
show examples
 ability of
labours
Correct your spelling
labourers
show examples
.
In addition
, during severe
position
Fix the agreement mistake
positions
show examples
 of job, employees can answer
thier
Correct your spelling
their
this
 helps. on the
another
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
 point,
ill
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
one can undertake
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 work via different
method
Fix the agreement mistake
methods
show examples
 like online.
Although
these method
Change the determiner
this method
these methods
show examples
 may not be popular with most
boss
Fix the agreement mistake
bosses
show examples
, employee which
donot
Correct your spelling
do not
 need to be present can finish their duties as
signficant
Correct your spelling
significant
 as they
were
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
 at work. What has been discussed may be summarized as follows that from
a
Change the article
an
show examples
overall
view
, some suppose that
every on
Correct your spelling
everyone
show examples
 should attend workpalce even during being under the weather, which can be
acceptable
Correct article usage
an acceptable
show examples
 opinion obviously.
Submitted by ashkanmlk80 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Focus on organizing your essay in clear paragraphs. Each paragraph should open with a topic sentence that introduces the main idea of the paragraph.
coherence cohesion
Include a straightforward introduction and conclusion to your essay. The introduction should present your viewpoint, while the conclusion should summarize the main points and reiterate your opinion.
task achievement
Support your main points with relevant examples or experiences. This not only strengthens your argument but also makes your essay more engaging.
task achievement
Work on clarity and preciseness in expressing your ideas. Avoid overly complex sentences or confusing language.
task achievement
Pay attention to spelling, grammar, and punctuation. Errors in these areas can distract from your argument and make your essay harder to understand.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: