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Some people believe that professional athletes serve as positive role models for young people, while others argue that their behavior both on and off the field can have a negative influence. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

#people #athletes #role #models #behavior #field #influence
A group of individuals consider
athletes
 to
a
Add a missing verb
be a
show examples
positive example for the youth
while
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 claim that their
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 can lead to negative effects be it on the
filed
Correct your spelling
field
show examples
 or not.
While
 the
pints
Correct your spelling
points
show examples
 by the latter group may have some truth to them, I believe the
people
 in sports have a stronger beneficial influence
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the younger generation. On the one hand, some
people
 say that the
athletes
 serve as a bad role model for the growing generation.
This
 is mainly because of the fact that some of the
sports-men
Correct your spelling
sportsmen
show examples
/women can be involved in problematic situations
such
 as
use
Add an article
the use
show examples
 of illegal drugs, intoxicants and violence which could be detrimental for the young
people
 who look up to them. Since the
athletes
 usually have a huge following on social media,
this
 poses a risk of normalizing
such
 actions for a majority of the growing population.
Thus
,
although
 in some cases members of the sports world could
show case
Correct your spelling
showcase
show examples
 a good example, in the long
run
Add the comma(s)
run,
show examples
 and bigger scale, it stands as something negative.
On the contrary
,
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of
people
 favor the
athletes
 saying that they serve as
inspiration
Correct article usage
an inspiration
show examples
 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
younger
people
. They state that they mostly appear as the symbol of hard work, discipline, staying active,
chasing
Correct word choice
and chasing
show examples
 your dreams against all odds which is necessary to keep the youth motivated and focused on their goals. As for the scandals that may occur surrounding the
athletes
, they propose that parents should teach their kids to pick up the positives as negativity is inevitable and exists in every field of life.
In addition
, the growing generation
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 the opportunity to potentially be noticed by their favorite athlete nowadays on social media platforms which could be
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
life changing
Add a hyphen
life-changing
show examples
 step for them. It is obvious that the presence of
athletes
 in the life of youth
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 a wide range of benefits.
To conclude
,
although
 young
people
 could be influenced badly by
athletes
 in some categories, I would say that the role of
athletes
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 young individuals has far more benefits.
Submitted by muhammadrizoabduxalimov017 on

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Task Achievement
To improve task achievement, ensure that each point made is well-supported by specific, detailed examples. While the essay discusses the influence of athletes both positively and negatively, incorporating more concrete examples of athletes' behavior and its impact on youth could make the points more compelling and complete.
Coherence & Cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, try to use a wider variety of cohesive devices and transition phrases between ideas and paragraphs. This will make your essay flow more smoothly and help to clarify the relationships between your main points.
General
Review and refine your essay for minor grammatical errors and typos to enhance clarity and professionalism. Attention to detail in written expression can significantly influence the overall impression of your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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