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Writing Samples
Band 4

In many countries, people are now living longer than even before. some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having ageing population outweigh the disadvantages.

#countries #people #population #governments #society
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It is certainly true that the increased number of elderly
population
 brings some drawbacks for governments.
However
, it is my belief that the positive effects of
this
 phenomenon could certainly offset its disadvantages. There are several drawbacks to the growing
aging
Change the spelling
ageing
show examples
population
. A common criticism of the expanding elderly citizen demographic is related to healthcare expenses, especially for elderly individuals with low income, or for the establishment of new residential services, among others.
Consequently
, governments are compelled to allocate a significant amount of money for these types of initiatives. Another negative aspect could be the non-inclusion of
this
 group in the workforce.
Similarly
,
this
 might bring about funding problems on account of the rising retirement expenditures. In spite of these negative effects,
however
, an increase in
this
 group’s
population
 might bring important benefits as well. One obvious advantage is the job prospects in the health sector. Since it leads to an increased demand for healthcare staff, people may hold more esteem towards workers in
this
 sector.
For
this
 reason, with increased salaries,
this
 sector could contribute to an expansion in Gross Demand Production. From a sentimental perspective, another positive effect is that, in most cases, we can benefit from their experiences.
To sum up
, it seems to me that an increase in
elderly
Add an article
the elderly
show examples
population
 has more benefits than disadvantages.
Submitted by aleynacanacikel on

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Task Achievement
Expand on your arguments by providing more detailed examples and evidence. Your essay could benefit from specific studies or statistics that support your points about both the advantages and disadvantages of an ageing population.
Task Achievement
Try to develop your ideas more thoroughly. Each paragraph should introduce, explain, and provide concrete examples or evidence for your arguments. This will help in achieving a more complete response to the question.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure your essay has a clear and logical structure. Start with an introduction that states your main argument, followed by body paragraphs that each focus on a specific point, and conclude with a summary of your main arguments and a restatement of your stance.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use linking phrases and transitional words effectively to improve the flow of your essay. This will help in connecting ideas within and between paragraphs, enhancing the overall coherence of your text.
Coherence and Cohesion
Support your main points with specific reasons or examples. This adds depth to your arguments and helps in making your essay more persuasive and meaningful.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • ageing population
  • benefits
  • disadvantages
  • advantages
  • experience
  • knowledge
  • contribution
  • economy
  • society
  • healthcare
  • youth employment
  • community
  • intergenerational support
  • volunteerism
  • mentorship
  • increased demand
  • pension costs
  • social welfare systems
  • workforce
  • productivity
  • intergenerational conflict
  • technological adaptability
  • dependency
  • effective
  • skill development
  • employment opportunities
  • intergenerational solidarity
  • communication
  • lifelong learning
  • technological literacy
  • age-friendly
  • social policies
  • infrastructure
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