Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

It is highly argued that
music
is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. In
this
essay, I vehemently agree that
music
is an art a
form
of language which brings generations and loved ones together from different backgrounds. To commence with,
music
is a
form
of emotion which has no barriers, religion and
form
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can travel across borders globally.It is a
form
of globalisation which our societies have accepted through musical instruments and musical theatre like world-famous Opera,People from different cultures, ages and countries love
music
through the rhythms and lyrics of the songs.
For example
,K Pop culture BTS became popular around the world through
there
Replace the word
their
show examples
melody.
Furthermore
,
music
from different languages and generations has become a bridge between generational gaps of millennials and Genz and
also
brought lovers together who don't speak the same language but understand each other through the
form
of
music
they love.Generational gaps have been decreased .
For example
, singers like Lady Gaga are loved by every age group. In conclusion, I completely agree that
music
can bring communities together.
Music
is a
form
of art that
building
Wrong verb form
builds
show examples
relations and crosses barriers around the world
its
Correct your spelling
it's
show examples
true
Correct article usage
the true
show examples
sense of
ones
Change noun form
one's
show examples
emotions that words
cant
Correct your spelling
can't
show examples
say
music
expresses.
Submitted by muskaanahuja0007 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
To strengthen your essay and score higher in task achievement, make sure to provide clearer and more detailed examples that directly support your argument. For instance, rather than simply stating BTS and Lady Gaga are popular, explain how their music has specifically bridged cultural or generational gaps. This detail will make your argument more compelling.
coherence cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, aim for a more structured presentation of your main points. Start with a clear introductory sentence for each paragraph that outlines the argument you will discuss. Following this, provide your examples and then a concluding sentence that revisits the main point. This structure will help your essay flow more logically and make your argument clearer to the reader.
coherence cohesion
To further improve coherence, use a wider range of linking phrases to better connect your ideas and paragraphs. Phrases such as 'additionally', 'moreover', and 'consequently' can help to signal the relationship between your points and improve the flow of your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal language
  • evoke
  • connect
  • diverse audiences
  • cultural exchange
  • generational gaps
  • shared experiences
  • unifying force
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!