The most important aim of science should be to improve people’s lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

It is highly argued that
music
is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. In
this
essay, I vehemently agree that
music
is an art a
form
of language which brings generations and loved ones together from different backgrounds. To commence with,
music
is a
form
of emotion which has no barriers, religion and
form
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can travel across borders globally.It is a
form
of globalisation which our societies have accepted through musical instruments and musical theatre like world-famous Opera,People from different cultures, ages and countries love
music
through the rhythms and lyrics of the songs.
For example
,K Pop culture BTS became popular around the world through
there
Replace the word
their
show examples
melody.
Furthermore
,
music
from different languages and generations has become a bridge between generational gaps of millennials and Genz and
also
brought lovers together who don't speak the same language but understand each other through the
form
of
music
they love.Generational gaps have been decreased .
For example
, singers like Lady Gaga are loved by every age group. In conclusion, I completely agree that
music
can bring communities together.
Music
is a
form
of art that
building
Wrong verb form
builds
show examples
relations and crosses barriers around the world
its
Correct your spelling
it's
show examples
true
Correct article usage
the true
show examples
sense of
ones
Change noun form
one's
show examples
emotions that words
cant
Correct your spelling
can't
show examples
say
music
expresses.
Submitted by muskaanahuja0007 on

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task achievement
Ensure to directly respond to the given prompt in your introduction to clearly establish your viewpoint. It seems there was a misunderstanding of the essay question related to the aim of science improving lives, not music bringing people together.
task achievement
Increase the clarity of your ideas by more explicitly linking them to the essay question. In this case, since the prompt was misunderstood, ensure to read the question carefully to stay on topic.
coherence and cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, aim for clearer transitions between paragraphs and within them. Use a variety of linking words and phrases effectively to guide the reader through your argument.
task achievement
Support your main points with more detailed and specific examples related to the essay prompt. If the prompt is correctly understood, focus on how science can improve people's lives with concrete examples.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial role
  • enhancing
  • quality of human life
  • advancements
  • medicine
  • healthcare
  • scientific research
  • solving societal problems
  • improving living standards
  • global issues
  • climate change
  • food scarcity
  • technological advancements
  • limitations
  • negative consequences
  • ethical considerations
  • sustainability
  • environmental preservation
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