some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and age together. to what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#people #music #cultures #age

In some people's eyes,

music

has the power to close individuals of various cultures

Change preposition

show examples

every age. Without a shadow of a doubt, I think

music

can spellbound anybody.

Thus

, I agree with

this

statement. From the past to now,

music

has played a significant role in human life.

In other words

, most people enjoy listening to

music

For instance

, there are people from different backgrounds and countries, who participate in a concert of their favourite artist, and spend a cheerful time there, singing and dancing together.

In addition

, there is a song that everybody of any age loves and knows

as well as

their name, it is the national anthem. No matter how old a person is, by hearing

this

song, all of them feel patriotism. It is true that differences in age and culture can cause various tastes in

music

For example

, a child likes to listen to childish songs as opposed to other kinds of

music

While

teenagers are more into listening to hip-hop

music

which are trend these days.

Also

, men and women getting older choose classical

music

, that reminds them of their past and memories. All in all, whether all humans are not like-minded in the taste of

music

has the power to make them more lenient and kind and keep them close together.

Submitted by sindokhtdadjoo2000 on Sun Feb 18 2024

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task achievement

You clearly agree with the statement and provide a strong general stance. To enhance your task response, be mindful to explore the counter-argument in a paragraph to show a balanced view, even if you ultimately disagree. This will show critical thinking and full engagement with the prompt.

coherence cohesion

Your essay is well-structured, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. To further improve coherence and cohesion, try to ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Using phrases like 'Furthermore,' 'Moreover,' or 'On the other hand,' can help to guide the reader through your argument more fluidly.

task achievement

To make your argument even stronger, include more diverse and detailed examples from various cultures. While the national anthem and general concert experiences are good, more specific instances showcasing different genres or cultural music events could lend more depth to your argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

220 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and age together. to what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Some people think that teachers are no longer needed because students can study via the Internet. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some schools are very strict about their school uniforms and the appearance of their pupils, while other schools have a very relaxed dress code. What are the advantages and disadvantages of children of having a school uniform?

Some people get into debt by buying things they don't need and can'f afford. What are the reasons for this behavior? What action can be taken to prevent people from having this problem?

The world is experiencing dramatic in population,which is causing problems not only for developing countries but also for developed nations Describe some of the problems that overpopulation causes and suggest at least one possible solution.