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Writing Samples
Band 5

some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and age together. to what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#people #music #cultures #age
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In some people's eyes,
music
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 has the power to close individuals of various cultures
in
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at
show examples
 every age. Without a shadow of a doubt, I think
music
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 can spellbound anybody.
Thus
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, I agree with
this
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 statement. From the past to now,
music
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 has played a significant role in human life.
In other words
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, most people enjoy listening to
music
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.
For instance
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, there are people from different backgrounds and countries, who participate in a concert of their favourite artist, and spend a cheerful time there, singing and dancing together.
In addition
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, there is a song that everybody of any age loves and knows
as well as
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 their name, it is the national anthem. No matter how old a person is, by hearing
this
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 song, all of them feel patriotism. It is true that differences in age and culture can cause various tastes in
music
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.
For example
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, a child likes to listen to childish songs as opposed to other kinds of
music
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.
While
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 teenagers are more into listening to hip-hop
music
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 which are trend these days.
Also
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, men and women getting older choose classical
music
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, that reminds them of their past and memories. All in all, whether all humans are not like-minded in the taste of
music
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,
music
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 has the power to make them more lenient and kind and keep them close together.
Submitted by sindokhtdadjoo2000 on

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task achievement
You clearly agree with the statement and provide a strong general stance. To enhance your task response, be mindful to explore the counter-argument in a paragraph to show a balanced view, even if you ultimately disagree. This will show critical thinking and full engagement with the prompt.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is well-structured, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. To further improve coherence and cohesion, try to ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Using phrases like 'Furthermore,' 'Moreover,' or 'On the other hand,' can help to guide the reader through your argument more fluidly.
task achievement
To make your argument even stronger, include more diverse and detailed examples from various cultures. While the national anthem and general concert experiences are good, more specific instances showcasing different genres or cultural music events could lend more depth to your argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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