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Writing Samples
Band 6

The graph below shows the unemployment rates in the US and Japan between March 1993 and March 1999

The graph below shows the unemployment rates in the US and Japan between March 1993 and March 1999
#unemployment #rates #japan #march
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The line graph illustrates the
percentage
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 of unemployed people in two countries namely
US
Correct article usage
the US
show examples
 and
Japan
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 from March 1993 to March 1999. It is
cleat
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clear
show examples
 that, over the given time,
United
Correct article usage
the United
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State
Fix the agreement mistake
States
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 saw a moderate decrease in the proportion of
unemployment
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,
while
Linking Words
 there was a
sifnificant
Correct your spelling
significant
 increase
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the same figure for
Japan
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. At the beginning of the period, there was a large difference
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
Use synonyms
unemployment
Correct article usage
the unemployment
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 ratio between
US
Correct article usage
the US
show examples
 and
Japan
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.
However
Linking Words
,
at the end
Linking Words
 of the period,
this
Linking Words
 figure
drop
Wrong verb form
dropped
show examples
 significantly, and there was a very small difference between the two countries. In
comparision
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comparison
 to 7
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of
unemployed
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the unemployed
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 workforce in
US
Correct article usage
the US
show examples
,
Japan
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 had a much smaller rate, only about 2.25
percent
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per cent
show examples
. After that, the situation in the US
labor
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labour
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 market became better and the
unemployment
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percentage
Use synonyms
drop
Wrong verb form
dropped
show examples
 gradually to just slightly over 4
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.
By contrast
Linking Words
,
Japan
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 experienced a doubled rise in the
percentage
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 of unemployed workforce. In 1993,
Correct article usage
the unempolyment
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unempolyment
Correct your spelling
unemployment
 rate in
US
Correct article usage
the US
show examples
is
Wrong verb form
was
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 much larger than that of
Japan
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.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 figure
fall
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falls
show examples
 over time.
At the end
Linking Words
 of 1998 and the beginning
if
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of
show examples
 1999, the situation was reversed, the
unemployment
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percentage
Use synonyms
 in
Japan
Use synonyms
 was eventually larger than
US's
Correct article usage
the US's
show examples
 figures.
Submitted by 10621039 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "at the end, however".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words percentage, japan, unemployment with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "difference" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "drop" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Unemployment rate
  • Trend
  • Comparison
  • Period
  • Sharp increase/decrease
  • Correlation
  • Economic policies
  • Technological advancements
  • Global economic conditions
  • Consumer spending
  • Social welfare
  • Public sentiment
  • Predictions
  • Economic strategies
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