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Writing Samples
Band 6

the first chart below shows how energy is used in an average Australian household. the second chart shows the greenhouse gas emissoions which result from this energy use.

the first chart below shows how energy is used in an average Australian household. the second chart shows the greenhouse gas emissoions which result from this energy use.
#first #energy #australian #household #second #greenhouse #gas #emissoions
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The pie charts compare the average
energy
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use
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 in an
Australian
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 household with the greenhouse
gas
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emissions
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 which result from
this
Linking Words
energy
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use
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 .
Overall
Linking Words
, the general trend showed
unexpected
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an unexpected
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 pattern.
Whereas
Linking Words
 the
Australian
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energy
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consumtion
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consumption
were
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was
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 the highest in heating
then
Linking Words
 water heating , it was
suprisely
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surprised
 that the greenhouse
gas
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emissions
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 were higher in water heating than heating . The most significant
features
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feature
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 of the
energy
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that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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used in
the
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apply
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Australian
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 households
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
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 heating followed by water heating which accounted for 42% and 30%
recpictively
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respectively
.
however
Linking Words
, the
gas
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emissions
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resulted
Wrong verb form
resulting
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 from
this
Linking Words
energy
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use
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 were 15% and 32%
recpectively
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respectively
. Refrigeration and other
applinances
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appliances
 represent 22% of the total
energy
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use
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 in Australia in 7% and 15% separately.
Dispite
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Despite
 that fact, the
Australian
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greenhoues
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greenhouse
greenhouses
gas
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emissions
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 were almost the double amount which
were
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was
show examples
 14% for refrigeration and 28% for other
applinances
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appliances
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the lowest
precentages
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percentages
percentage
 of
energy
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consumtion
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consumption
 included cooling at 2% and lighting at 4% with
gas
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emissions
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 that
colletively
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collectively
 made up 11% .
Submitted by zx00154 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words energy, use, australian, gas, emissions with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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