IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

As mass communication and transport continue to grow, societies are becoming more and more alike leading to a phenomenon known as globalisation. Some people fear that globalisation will inevitably lead to the total loss of cultural identity. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#mass #communication #transport #societies #phenomenon #globalisation #people #fear #loss #identity
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Nowadays, when our society is in the stage of rapid transformation ,a tendency to increase
in
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apply
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the amount of factors which lead to globalisation can be observed. It is agreed, that
this
 issue can lead to the total
loss
 of cultural identity,as
cities
 and
variety
Correct article usage
a variety
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 of nationalities grow significantly and rural areas
appears
Correct subject-verb agreement
appear
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 to be less common.
This
 essay,
firstly
,will discuss why mass communication and transport rise
continuesly
Correct your spelling
continuously
, followed by an analysis of consequences which can contribute to the negative development
for
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of
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 culture.
To begin
 with, the demand
of
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for
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 transport and expansion of
cities
 rises dramatically
due to
 the increasing population growth.
Moreover
, a lot of people with different nationality immigrate to other countries, since they want to provide their lives with better opportunities.
For example
, the war in Ukraine forced millions of Ukrainians to immigrate all over the world. The statistics
shows
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show
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,that only in Canada there were more than 200
thousands
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thousand
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 Ukrainians who moved there in 2023.
Consequently
, it proves that the demand to expand
cities
,
work places
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workplaces
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 and transport grows significantly. In general,
due to
 these
reasones
Correct your spelling
reasons
, cultures and nationalities are mixed,and
this
 issue can contribute to the total
loss
 of cultural identity.
Furthermore
,
usually
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usually,
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 a tendency to safe traditions can be observed in rural areas,
however
 , the greater the population is, the higher the development of
cities
 is, and in
cosequence
Correct your spelling
consequence
 large
city
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city,
show examples
centers
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centres
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 displace the villages.
In addition
, mixed cultures lead to the
loss
 of traditions and even languages.
Thus
,
such
 common overpopulation can contribute to irreparable damage.
To conclude
,
this
 essay agrees with
idea
Correct article usage
the idea
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 that,
unfortunalety
Correct your spelling
unfortunately
, globalisation has an adverse impact on
cultures
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cultures'
culture's
show examples
identity
Fix the agreement mistake
identities
show examples
 and it can lead to their
loss
.
Submitted by amina.ilyuk8 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Focus on creating a more structured outline before you begin writing. This will help you organize your thoughts and ensure that your essay flows logically from one point to the next.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure your introduction and conclusion are clearly defined and summarise your main points effectively. This will help the reader understand your stance and the structure of your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Expand on your main points by providing more specific examples and explanations. This will help to further support your argument and make your essay more persuasive.
Task Achievement
Address the prompt directly and make sure your essay fully responds to all parts of the question. This includes both agreeing or disagreeing with the statement and discussing the extent of your agreement or disagreement.
Task Achievement
Use a wider range of vocabulary to express your ideas more precisely and avoid repetition. This will make your essay more engaging to read.
Task Achievement
Incorporate more complex sentence structures to demonstrate your language proficiency. This will also help to make your argument more nuanced.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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