Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities.Others, however, say that this would have little affect on public health and other measure are required. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
In
this
contemporary epoch, it has become a grave matter of concern whether sports
activities should be surged or other measures should be adopted to ameliorate public health. In this
essay, I will cast light on both perspectives before delivering my own opinion.
On the one hand, one portion of society hold
a belief that the provision of Change the verb form
holds
sports
facilities can help individuals to stay fit and healthy. In other words
, due to
sedentary
lifestyle, people are becoming the Correct article usage
a sedentary
victim
of obesity, which causes myriad health ailments like heart attack, high blood pressure and chronic diseases. Fix the agreement mistake
victims
Therefore
, a growing number of sports
facilities can encourage dwellers to engage in distinct physical practices, which will render not only happiness while
playing but also
body movements, will
allow them to digest Correct word choice
and will
food
smoothly. In Nordic countries such
as Denmark and Norway, civilians tend to join sports
clubs as they are more conscious about their health
On the other hand
, some folks claim that other alternatives should be taken into consideration. To be more precise, despite the advancement of technology, ample hospitals are deprived of therapy equipment, which can save the life of a patient in case of any emergency. Therefore
, in order to regulate an effective medical system, assistance from the government is required. Apart from
this
, nutrients and vitamins rich food
can also
prove fruitful in maintaiing
a healthy gut, thereby, the authorities should run campaigns to raise awareness among society regarding Correct your spelling
maintaining
the
healthy Correct article usage
apply
food
consumption. For example
, gym trainers usually have substantial amounts of protein and fiber
in their diet, which Change the spelling
fibre
offer
them the advantages of having strong muscles and a fit body.
Correct subject-verb agreement
offers
To conclude
, while
the rise in sports
amenities can facilitate society to burn thousands of calories, supply
of advanced operational tools to all hospitals and eating Correct article usage
the supply
helathy
Correct your spelling
healthy
food
can prove more beneficial. In my opinion, following a stringent diet and proper medical care can help individuals stay away from plethora
of diseases.Add an article
a plethora
the plethora
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task achievement
You have handled both sides of the argument well and presented a clear opinion, which meets the requirements of the task. However, to improve your score, try to offer even more depth in your analysis and ensure your opinion is clearly stated early on.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is well-organized with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. To enhance your score further, focus on using a wider range of linking words and phrases to seamlessly connect your ideas and ensure each paragraph flows smoothly into the next.