Many schools are arranging unpaid work for teenagers to get some work experience in institutions or companies, because it is beneficial for students as well as institutions. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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It is a trend that many institutions of higher education and
middles
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middle
show examples
schools build connections with various institutions and
organizations
,
appoaching
Correct your spelling
approaching
for opportunities for their
students
to
had
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
an
Change the article
a
show examples
practicum before graduation. In my
prespectives
Correct your spelling
perspective
perspectives
, I strongly agree that the action is beneficial for both the
students
as well as
the
organizations
. On one hand, teenagers can experience their desired jobs in reality beforehand and build up their
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
with others during practicums. From learning the theory on paper,
students
never know how to practice in reality. For
intances
Correct your spelling
instance
instances
, for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
future
teachers, never can they learn about the practical skills to manage the
students
in
future
classrooms without practice in real class scenarios.
That is
why they need to be placed in an
instituion
Correct your spelling
institution
and try out their
future
positions at no cost.
Additionally
,
students
can
also
judge whether they are suitable
with
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for
show examples
this
kind of job,
whether
Correct word choice
and whether
show examples
they have
passion
Correct article usage
a passion
show examples
for living
with
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in
show examples
this
position in the
future
.
This
practicum
chances
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chance
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is precious in the way that it
enable
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enables
show examples
students
to have a trial before they sign contracts and
paying
Wrong verb form
pay
show examples
a year or even more time, and eventually
burning
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burn
show examples
out.
On the other hand
,
as for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
organizations
,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can choose more suitable prospective staff for their
future
development and run their business at a lower cost. The new generation in the
working places
Correct your spelling
workplace
show examples
brings more innovative ideas for the
future
society
Change preposition
of society
show examples
, especially for companies which are seeking
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
more chances in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
new markets. They can be the main power and support for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
future
development. As for the companies during their hardship, the practicum
students
are even the best choice since they are free
labors
Replace the word
labourers
show examples
.
That is
to say, they can have
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
lower spending and still run the whole business. In a nutshell, I believe the working experience during school time is precious and fruitful for both
students
and the institutions. Not only can adolescents explore their job choices in advance and build connections with others, but the
organizations
can
also
match with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
suitable, innovative new manpower
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
a lower price.
Submitted by asllchkied on

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coherence cohesion
Continue to develop a clear, logical structure in your essays. Your essay demonstrated a good sense of organization, but transitions between paragraphs could be smoother. Linking phrases such as 'In addition,' 'Furthermore,' or 'As a result' can help to connect ideas more seamlessly.
coherence cohesion
Enhance the introduction and conclusion. A more distinct thesis statement in the introduction and a more comprehensive summary in the conclusion could strengthen your argument. This aids in immediately presenting your stance and summarizing your key points effectively at the end.
task achievement
Delve deeper into specific examples and evidence to support your arguments. Your essay made good points, but incorporating more detailed examples can add weight to your claims and make your arguments more persuasive.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • enhancing
  • workforce
  • fosters
  • responsibility
  • networking opportunities
  • career path
  • time management
  • teamwork
  • inject
  • perspectives
  • nonprofit sectors
  • exploit
  • educational
  • overburdening
  • socioeconomic backgrounds
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