IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

some people believe that men and women are equal and so women should be able to do any job they want. Others feel that men and women are not equal and therefore there are certain jobs which are not suitable for women. What is your opinion?

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While
Linking Words
 some people emphasize that
women
Use synonyms
 can do any kind of
jobs
Fix the agreement mistake
job
show examples
 because there is equality between men and
women
Use synonyms
, others say that there are
also
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 inappropriate works for
women
Use synonyms
 and so they believe that every
genders
Change to a singular noun
gender
show examples
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 not similar level. From my perspective, I would argue with the first group of individuals. One of the main reasons why there is
equal
Add an article
the equal
an equal
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 view between
two
Correct article usage
the two
show examples
 genders is that people have their own choice to work somewhere and it does not matter
they
Correct word choice
whether they
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 are men or
women
Use synonyms
. To explain, each person wants to achieve something
their
Change preposition
in their
show examples
 life and
want
Correct subject-verb agreement
wants
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 to own
job
Correct article usage
a job
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 which is dreamed about themselves. These days, even females are more active in society than males.
As a result
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, they try hard to reach good promotion.
For example
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, in my country, more females are submitting
a
Correct article usage
apply
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document
Fix the agreement mistake
documents
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 for study and entering there more effectively than males.
This
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 is the best substantiation to prove
women
Use synonyms
’s knowledge.
Therefore
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, it is important to maintain equality in today’s society. Another reason is that womankind
have
Change the verb form
has
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 a pivotal role in the development of the world and technologies. They contribute to
improve
Change the verb form
improving
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 life
as well as
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 men. To explain, I would say many people admired from intelligence of
women
Use synonyms
 because the projects they suggested have been useful for society over the years.
As a result
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, a lot of individuals appreciate ladies
due to
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 their unmatched intelligence.
For instance
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, Indra Nooyi is
of
Correct pronoun usage
one of
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 the most successful
women
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through
Change preposition
in
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 the world. She operates
“
Correct article usage
a “pepsi”
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pepsi
Change the capitalization
Pepsi
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” company and already has become one of the best females in trade. Certainly, it is not
small
Add an article
a small
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 thing to manage an industry for a female. In conclusion,
although
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 some trust
women
Use synonyms
 not to
able
Add a missing verb
be able
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 to do a number of jobs
women
Use synonyms
 are trying to contribute
the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
 development of the world and I believe that they never give up.

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Introduction
Consider beginning with a more engaging introduction to capture the reader's interest more effectively. While your introduction sets up the argument well, adding a compelling question or statement could make it more intriguing.
In your essay, try to use a wider variety of sentence structures and connectors to improve the flow and readability. For instance, instead of repeatedly using 'To explain,' you could use phrases like 'This can be illustrated by,' or 'For instance.','type':'Coherence
Examples
While you provide relevant examples, such as referencing Indra Nooyi, work on integrating these examples more seamlessly into your argument. Offer detailed analysis on how these examples support your main points.
Task Response
To improve task response, make sure to address all parts of the prompt. Your essay strongly supports one view, but briefly acknowledging the opposing view before refuting it could strengthen your argument.
Grammar
Pay attention to subject-verb agreement and proper article use to reduce grammatical errors.
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