IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people think we need more female leaders to create world peace and reduce violence. To what extent do you agree?

#people #leaders #world #peace #violence
Unquestionably, every coin has two sides and so are the
people
. Society’s
people
 are divided into two groups and
therefore
, we need more female
leaders
 to create world peace has become a topic of debate among
people
.
This
 essay will compare and contrast both of the opinions
along with
 my opinion which is in the favour of former/latter view will be discussed in a sensible conclusion. Initiating with the points supporting the first school of thought,
firstly
, female
leaders
 more have traits of character than male
leaders
 because they have much more kindness than male politicians. The
people
 who support
this
 say that there are many wars that were prevented by lady
leaders
 .
Secondly
, said that Female
leaders
 cannot prevent wars because they do have not that type of political skills and it
is not depend
Change the verb form
does not depend
show examples
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 lady
leaders
. In fact, it is possible that the lady
leaders
 can be strong politicians. On the contrasting side,
people
 who hold another viewpoint say that It does not matter with the leader . They believe that peace can be achieved only by wars.
Furthermore
, I respect
this
 point.
To conclude
, I would like to say that, when women become a lot of national political international organizations we have a balance with male politicians and at that time it will be easy to make non-violent decisions for political processes in every part of the world.
However
, it will depend upon the mindsets of the
people
 and which view they are in favour of.
Submitted by zohrab-gevorgyan on

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Task Achievement
To improve in task achievement, make sure to delve deeper into the topic by providing more distinct, clear viewpoints. It's important to directly answer the question and focus on to what extent you agree or disagree, providing more elaborated reasons and concrete examples to support your opinion.
Coherence and Cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, aim for a more structured flow of ideas. Start by introducing your main point, then expand on it with supporting arguments, and transition smoothly between paragraphs for a coherent flow. Try to make your conclusion a summary of your arguments and a clear statement of your viewpoint, directly relating to the essay question.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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