It is often said that governments spend too much mo ey on projects to protect wildlife, while there are other problems. That are more important? Do you agree or disagree?

In the modern era, some nations pay too much attention to
preserve
Wrong verb form
preserving
show examples
environment
Add an article
the environment
show examples
. Some people believe it is crucial but other groups disagree and think there are more important things to spend money on rather than
wildlife
. With all due
repect
Correct your spelling
respect
to the second standpoint, I fully endorse the first one and think existing of
human kind
Correct your spelling
humankind
show examples
is depend
Wrong verb form
depends
show examples
on
Correct article usage
the wild
show examples
wild life
Correct your spelling
wildlife
show examples
and they can
also
benefit us in various ways that
i'm
Change the capitalization
I'm
show examples
going to explain more about in the rest of my essay.
To begin
with,
wildlife
is vital for humans to live.
For example
, penicillin which is made of a particular kind of bacterium,
save
Correct subject-verb agreement
saves
show examples
lives
Correct article usage
the lives
show examples
of thousands of people annually and without that, there will be no human. In
other word
Change the wording
another word
other words
show examples
, protecting
wildlife
is protecting
human kind
Correct your spelling
humankind
show examples
, indeed.
Additionally
, many other kinds of materials
used
Add a missing verb
are used
show examples
in various industries like those that are used in space crafts. These materials shape our lives and help us to expand our accomplishments .
Therefore
,
environment
Add an article
the environment
show examples
is one of
the
Change the word
our
show examples
kindest friends
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
us
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
which helps us thrive.
Besides
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
manufacturing a lot of medicine and materials, preserving
wilerness
Correct your spelling
wilderness
can enhance the local economy and help individuals financially.
For example
,
northern
Correct article usage
the northern
show examples
forests of Iran are
hiphly
Correct your spelling
highly
protected and
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
spends about 3 million USD to take care of them annually. On the other side,
this
national park draws a lot of tourists every year and
obsorb
Correct your spelling
absorbs
abd
Correct your spelling
and
5 million USD from both foreign and
demostis
Correct your spelling
domestic
tourists. So, wilerness gives back the
mony
Correct your spelling
money
that is
spent by
counrties
Correct your spelling
countries
counties
and it is a
win win
Add a hyphen
win-win
show examples
deal for both humanity and animals which
strengthen
Correct subject-verb agreement
strengthens
show examples
the bond between us and other creatures.
To conclude
, the controversy about whether governments should bear a lot of
expences
Correct your spelling
expenses
show examples
to take care of natural
wildlife
remains heated
beween
Correct your spelling
between
some groups of society. Because of
financial
Correct article usage
the financial
show examples
and other vital contributions of creatures, I think it is worth it to help the environment and I hope
some day
Correct your spelling
someday
show examples
we can be friends with animals again like before.
Submitted by yasinkooshki13866 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Make sure your introduction clearly presents your opinion on the topic. Your introduction does well to state your position, but refining it for clarity and strength could make your stance even more compelling.
coherence cohesion
Enhance the logical flow between ideas by using a wider range of linking words and transitions. This will make your essay more cohesive and easier to follow.
task achievement
While you provided good examples to support your points, try to develop your ideas further with more detailed explanations on how they support your argument. This will strengthen your task achievement score.
coherence cohesion
Check for and correct spelling errors ('wilerness', 'hiphly', 'obsorb', 'demostis') and typographical errors to improve the professionalism of your writing.
task achievement
Consider revisiting your conclusion to reinforce your viewpoint. A more powerful conclusion can elegantly summarize your key arguments and reiterate your stance, leaving a lasting impression on the reader.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • biodiversity
  • conservation
  • eco-tourism
  • interconnected issues
  • misallocation of resources
  • intrinsically valuable
  • sustainable development
  • biodiversity hotspot
  • environmental stewardship
  • habitat preservation
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!