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Band 4.5

A lot of money is spent nowadays searching for oil. As the world's oil resources will eventually run out, it would be more logical to spend some of this money on developing new sources of power, such as wind and solar. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#money #oil #world #resources #sources #power #wind
Nowadays, with the increasing population, the use of
oil
 is
also
 increasing. There are a limited number of
oil
resources
 on the planet where
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
we live
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
as
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 well
this
 is decreasing over time. A good few cost is wasted to access
this
 exhaustible
energy
 source. Some people think that it is more logical to spend money on
energy
sources
 that we can obtain from wind or sun like
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
renewable
energy
sources
,
rahter
Correct your spelling
rather
 than spending money to find
oil
, which is a finite one. In
this
article
Add a comma
article,
show examples
 I will discuss whether I agree or disagree with
this
 solution.
Firstly
, The finite nature of
oil
 reserves necessitates investment in renewable
energy
sources
. I guess everyone
agreesz
Correct your spelling
agrees
 about it. Because of, obviously high expenditure on
oil
 exploration
refltecs
Correct your spelling
reflects
reflect
 short-term thinking that could compromise future
energy
 security.
Instead
 of investing in renewables like wind and solar can provide long-lasting solutions as well
reduce
Correct word choice
as reduce
show examples
 environmental impact.Current investments in
oil
 search divert crucial funds from developing sustainable and clean
energy
 infrastructure.
Secondly
, The transition to renewable
energy
 is essential for economic sustainability and reducing dependency on
oil
, which has fluctuating prices. And
also
 it is important
from
Change preposition
that
show examples
 developing renewable
energy
sources
 can
also
 stimulate job creation in new industries, contributing to economic growth. All these changes seem easy.
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 the reluctance to divert funds from
oil
 exploration to renewable
energy
 development stems from the existing infrastructure and vested interests in the
oil
 industry.
As well as
 it does not seem economically easy to give up these acquired rights and switch to a new system. In my opinion, we can create new employment opportunities for many people by turning to natural
resources
 that are
mush
Correct your spelling
much
show examples
 easier to produce, without considering
ecenomic
Correct your spelling
economic
 reasons and
also
 without consuming our limited
energy
resources
. All of
this
 will be easier compared to the effort we put into finding
oil
. In the
end
Add a comma
end,
show examples
 I totally agree with the idea of
spend
Change the verb form
spending
show examples
 some of
this
 money on natural
resources
.
Submitted by ecem.tekben on

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task achievement
You should make sure to develop your main points more fully by providing more detailed examples and explanations. This can help to make your argument more convincing and your essay more informative.
coherence and cohesion
To improve coherence, consider planning your essay with a clear outline in mind. Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that all ideas are logically organized and flow smoothly from one to the next.
general
Avoid spelling and grammatical errors as they can hinder the clarity and professionalism of your writing. Consider using writing tools or seeking feedback to identify and correct these issues.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure your introduction and conclusion are both clear and effective. Your introduction should clearly state your position on the topic, while your conclusion should summarize your main points and reiterate your stance.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • finite
  • renewable energy sources
  • expenditure
  • compromise
  • sustainable
  • environmental impact
  • infrastructure
  • economic sustainability
  • dependency
  • fluctuating prices
  • stimulate
  • job creation
  • vested interests
  • transition
  • reluctance
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