IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

-A lot of money is spent nowadays searching for oil. As the world's oil resources will eventually run out, it would be more logical to spend some of this money on developing new sources of power, such as wind and solar. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Nowadays, with the increasing population, the use of
oil
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 is
also
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 increasing. There are a limited number of
oil
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resources
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 on the planet where we live and well
this
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 is decreasing over
tim e
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time
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. A good few cost is wasted to access
this
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 exhaustible
energy
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 source. Some people think that it is more logical to spend money on
energy
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sources
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 that we can obtain from wind or sun like renewable
energy
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sources
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, rather than spending money to find
oil
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, which is a finite one. In
this
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 article,
Iöwill
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I will
 discuss whether I agree or disagree with
this
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 solution.
Firstly
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, The finite nature of
oil
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 reserves necessitates investment in renewable
energy
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sources
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. I guess everyone agrees about it. Because of, obviously high expenditure on
oil
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 exploration reflects short-term thinking that could compromise future
energy
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 security.
Instead
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 of investing in renewables like wind and solar can provide long-lasting solutions
as well as
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 reduce environmental impact.Current investments in
oil
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 search divert crucial funds from developing sustainable and clean
energy
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 infrastructure.
Secondly
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, The transition to renewable
energy
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 is essential for economic sustainability and reducing dependency on
oil
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, which has fluctuating prices. And
also
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 it is important that developing renewable
energy
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sources
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 can
also
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 stimulate job creation in new industries, contributing to economic growth. All these changes seem easy.
However
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, the reluctance to divert funds from
oil
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 exploration to renewable
energy
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 development stems from the existing infrastructure and vested interests in the
oil
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 industry.
As well as
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 it does not seem economically easy to give up these acquired rights and switch to a new system. In my opinion, we can create new employment opportunities for many people by turning to natural
resources
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 that are much easier to produce, without considering economic reasons and
also
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 without consuming our limited
energy
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resources
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. All of
this
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 will be easier compared to the effort we put into finding
oil
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. In the end, I totally agree with the idea of spending some of
this
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 money on natural
resources
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Improvement Suggestions

4
task achievement

Ensure your essay has a clear introduction stating your position, body paragraphs with individual ideas supported by examples, and a conclusion summarizing your viewpoints. Your essay lacked a strong concluding statement directly addressing your stance on spending money on renewable resources.

coherence and cohesion

Organize your essay with clear, logical paragraphs. Each paragraph should begin with a topic sentence that signals the main idea, followed by supporting sentences with examples or explanations. Use linking words to connect ideas within and across paragraphs.

task achievement

Develop your points more thoroughly. While you've mentioned several key ideas (the finiteness of oil, the benefits of renewable energy, and the economic aspects of energy resources), these points need to be expanded with more specific details and examples to strengthen your argument.

general advice

Pay attention to spelling, punctuation, and grammatical accuracy to improve readability and professionalism. Specifically, watch for run-on sentences, correct usage of articles ('a', 'an', 'the'), and avoid using informal language or contractions in formal essays.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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