Some people believe, the unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes (for example working for a charity, improving the neighbourhood of teaching sports to younger children). To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Involvement
Correct article usage
The involvement
show examples
of learners in helping
society
can be reflected by
co-operation
Correct your spelling
cooperation
show examples
with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
unpaid
community
service. In
fact
Add a comma
fact,
show examples
I strongly agree with those who feel that unpaid
community
service is supposed to be a required part of high school programmes,
due to
the benefits of their
society
and themselves. The unpaid
community
service plays an important role to give an impact for improving social intention. When students take part to become
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
member
Fix the agreement mistake
members
show examples
of the
community
, they could
give
Verb problem
have
show examples
some positive impacts to enrich the economic welfare
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
their
society
.
For instance
, many people who need some help
such
as the
poorer
Correct word choice
poor
show examples
, vulnerable children, and the elderly
with arranging
Change preposition
arrange
show examples
any
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
charity events. It
also
could be a
media
Replace the word
medium
show examples
for many learners who earned their knowledge in the classroom to implement in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
. Being part of the
community
not only improves their characters but they
also
offer many important soft skills that are essential for living. After the social characters are established, the social experiences
also
have an enormous effect. The way of thinking for solving social problems
along with
the groups
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
one of the results
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
the interaction across a range of ages in social lives. Relatedly, it is important for students because their characters would be relevant at work,
such
as fostering a sense of caring toward colleagues and leaders that may be possible to earn a successful career path.
Therefore
, when students graduate without social experience, obviously it is very
unfavorable
Change the spelling
unfavourable
show examples
. In conclusion, both social intention and
student’s
Change noun form
student
show examples
experience align with the engagement of the unpaid
community
for making an ideal
society
and character of their members.
This
is why schools must be open to the existence of unpaid
community
services and initiate many charity programs.
Submitted by 2024successielts on

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task achievement
Ensure the thesis statement in the introduction is explicitly clear to immediately present your stance to the reader, and reiterate your main points in the conclusion for emphasis.
coherence cohesion
Incorporate a wider variety of transition words and phrases to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs, contributing to a more coherent essay.
task achievement
Enhance your argument by incorporating more detailed and specific examples. This will not only support your main points more convincingly but also demonstrate a thorough understanding of the topic.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • compulsory
  • high school programmes
  • unpaid community service
  • charity
  • improving the neighbourhood
  • teaching sports
  • sense of responsibility
  • empathy
  • broader perspective
  • societal issues
  • college applications
  • job applications
  • positive impact
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