IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people think that men and women have different qualities, therefore certain jobs are suitable for men and others for women. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #men #women #qualities #jobs
Women
 and
men
 have their own unique traits,
therefore
 some specific
jobs
 are more suitable for
women
 than for
men
 and vice versa.
This
 author agrees with
this
 statement because it is best to assign workers to compatible
jobs
 to maximize efficiency and minimize errors. It is apparent that some people work better in some environments than others.
For example
,
men
 can take care of heavy tasks
while
women
 can work
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 lighter ones.
This
 is
due to
 the attributes which define each person.
Thus
, employers can take advantage of these traits to recruit employees suitable for their
jobs
. In
this
 case, based on stereotypes,
men
 who are more likely to be strict and firm can take the role of the leader,
whereas
women
 who tend to be more soft and sociable can be the
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
show examples
 who make connections between colleagues.
This
 will result in an improvement in work efficiency
if
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
in the workplace. Another fact that should be considered is that people who are not suitable for their
jobs
 usually make more mistakes.
This
 might be
due to
 the employee not having the skills needed for the job or they are simply not interested in their
carreer
Correct your spelling
career
.
This
 problem,
however
, can lead to large sums of damage to the company.
Therefore
, recruitment should always take the qualities of male and female workers into consideration. In conclusion, to limit losses and make more profit, businesses should assign
men
 and
women
 to roles which are suitable for them.
Therefore
,
it
Correct pronoun usage
there
show examples
 will always exist
jobs
 made for
men
 and others made for
women
.

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task achievement
While your essay introduces a clear argument, supporting your views with more varied examples and evidence could enhance the persuasiveness of your points. Consider bringing in statistics, studies, or broader real-life examples that go beyond common stereotypes.
coherence and cohesion
To further improve coherence and cohesion, pay attention to your paragraph structure. Make sure each paragraph starts with a clear topic sentence that signals the main idea, followed by supporting sentences that elaborate on that idea. Moreover, use a range of linking words to better connect ideas within and between paragraphs.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • gender roles
  • inherent qualities
  • social dynamics
  • merit-based selection
  • advancements in technology
  • levelled the playing field
  • gender stereotypes
  • equal opportunities
  • physical differences
  • workplace
  • evolving
  • traditional view
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