IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that men and women have different qualities, therefore certain jobs are suitable for men and others for women. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #men #women #qualities #jobs
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There is a controversial
discussing
Replace the word
discussion
show examples
 point that male and female have their typical criteria for particular
jobs
Use synonyms
 which are suitable for
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 and others for
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
. Despite the writer contending that there are some occupations that
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
only
men
Use synonyms
 can handle
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
or only
women
Use synonyms
 can because of
both
Use synonyms
 genders’ limit in
physical
Add an article
the physical
show examples
 field and their
characteristic
Fix the agreement mistake
characteristics
show examples
. It should be acknowledged that
women
Use synonyms
 are strong in physical and mental health,
however
Linking Words
, in some cases, they are still weaker than
men
Use synonyms
. Many
jobs
Use synonyms
 require the ability to
work
Use synonyms
 heavily and dangerously
such
Linking Words
 as firefighter and pilot which
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
solely employ
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 for those
jobs
Use synonyms
.
According to
Linking Words
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
some academic research, it demonstrates that the structure of
female’s
Correct article usage
a female’s
show examples
 body still has some limit in strength. In brief,
women
Use synonyms
 may not handle
some
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
certain occupations.
Male’s
Change noun form
Male
show examples
 characteristics are
also
Linking Words
 a considerable reason why they are unable to finish the
work
Use synonyms
as well as
Linking Words
women
Use synonyms
 do. What the author means is
both
Use synonyms
 sexes can be patient and dedicated, though,
men
Use synonyms
 solve the problems probably which asks for some strict personalities.
For example
Linking Words
, in some cases, the
work
Use synonyms
 demands a person who is really careful and flexible in whatever they do,
the
Correct word choice
and the
show examples
 employees tend to hire a woman rather than a man even though a man is suitable for their standard. Briefly,
men
Use synonyms
 are unable to handle all the
jobs
Use synonyms
 especially the
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
show examples
 requiring a specific personality.
In contrast
Linking Words
, many individuals believe that the
work
Use synonyms
 will be perfectly completed by
both
Use synonyms
 genders. Heading to the best result, people have to cooperate with the opposite sex because
both
Use synonyms
 sexes sometimes need the other assistance to finish their
work
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 will keep the balance of
two
Correct article usage
the two
show examples
 genders in job employment and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. Taking all points into account,
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 and
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 have their own boundaries and strength and people have to accept their
limit
Fix the agreement mistake
limits
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 will maintain
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
equality and no discrimination between different genders.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Try to provide a clear thesis statement in your introduction that clearly states your opinion on the topic. This will help set the direction of your essay.
task achievement
To strengthen your argument, be specific with examples or evidence that support your points. Generic statements can weaken your argument.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to link your ideas and paragraphs using cohesive devices (e.g., however, therefore) appropriately to enhance the flow of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Organize your essay into clear paragraphs, each focusing on a single main idea. This helps maintain the logical structure of your argument throughout.
task achievement
Be mindful of repeating the same point. Instead, aim to cover different aspects of the topic within each paragraph to provide a comprehensive response.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • gender roles
  • inherent qualities
  • social dynamics
  • merit-based selection
  • advancements in technology
  • levelled the playing field
  • gender stereotypes
  • equal opportunities
  • physical differences
  • workplace
  • evolving
  • traditional view
What to do next:
Look at other essays: