IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people think it is more important to spend money on roads and motorways than public transportation systems. To what extent do you agree?

#people #money #roads #motorways #transportation #systems
It is often considered that a few individuals reckon that expenditure of money is essential on
roads
 and motorways.
Whereas
, many believe that spending
cost
Fix the agreement mistake
costs
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 on public transportation systems are more beneficial.
Thus
, I assent from the notion
a
Correct article usage
apply
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which
further
 leads to a logical conclusion. Commencing, there are various factors which
supports
Change the verb form
support
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 the expenditure of capital on the construction of roadways. First and foremost, there are manyfold highways which are not in good condition and
additionally
, these highways will be worst in the upcoming time.
However
, because of broken and damaged
roads
, the chances of road
accidents
 are increased in number and
additionally
, the age of
tyres
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tyres
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 of any vehicle is declined.
For example
, "The Times of India" an Indian newspaper illustrates the condition of highways in Delhi, and
as a consequence
 of
this
, there is
enhancement
Add an article
the enhancement
an enhancement
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 of road
accidents
. Probing ahead, there is a lot of traffic jams in the cities
as well as
countryside
Correct article usage
the countryside
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, and
reason
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the reason
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 is broken paths
although
 it is very difficult for the society to reach on time to their respective destinations.
Moreover
, the space is
also
 not sufficient for the cars and buses, and
as a result
, mishappenings will occur in large
amount
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amounts
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.
For instance
, in Bihar,
roads
 are not constructed well, so it is
comman
Correct your spelling
common
 in news channels explaining about various
accidents
. In a nutshell, the government should take priority in the construction of
roads
 with good quality so that
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
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 will not be damaged in a
small
Correct word choice
short
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 time span.
Instead
 of spending public transport system, they should focus on ameliorating the
roads
 as the rate of
accidents
are
Change the verb form
is
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 escalating day by day.
Submitted by vermarohit981.rv on

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Introduction
To improve your introduction, ensure that it clearly states your opinion on the topic. Your opening statement could be more assertive and clearly outline the arguments you plan to discuss.
Logical Structure
Focus on developing a more structured logical flow between paragraphs. Use cohesive devices such as 'Furthermore,' 'Moreover,' 'On the other hand,' to connect ideas smoothly and improve coherence.
Task Achievement
Include a balanced discussion in your essay. Consider exploring both sides of the argument before stating your opinion. This will enhance the depth of your analysis and demonstrate a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
Relevant Examples
Support your main points with specific, relevant examples. While you've provided examples, ensuring they directly support your arguments will strengthen your essay's persuasiveness.
Conclusion
Work on your essay's conclusion. It should summarise the key points discussed and clearly restate your position. A more conclusive ending will provide a satisfying closure to your argument.
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