IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that men and women have different qualities, therfore certain jobs are suitable for men and others for women. To what extent fo you agree or disagree

#people #men #women #qualities #therfore #jobs #fo
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There is a
controlersial
Correct your spelling
controversial
 argument
whether
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about whether
show examples
 certain careers are more suitable for either
men
Use synonyms
 or
women
Use synonyms
. The
autor
Correct your spelling
author
 contends that
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
 are equal in terms of potential and qualities
, thereby
Correct word choice
and, thereby
show examples
, have the same opportunities in their chosen
field
Fix the agreement mistake
fields
show examples
. It must be acknowledged that currently,
both
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men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
 do not have any considerable differences regarding biological body and intellectual thinking,
hence
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,
both
Use synonyms
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
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 have
theor
Correct your spelling
their
the
 potential to do well in their
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
.
Additionally
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, judging a person's progression through their gender will burry gifted individuals down.
As a result
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, some people will never have the
opportunities
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opportunity
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 to show off their talents.
Males
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Male
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 and
females
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female
show examples
 distribution in
workplace
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the workplace
show examples
 is another point to consider. To justify, a workplace with either males or females
dominated
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dominating
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 the population will lead to unpredictable risks
afterward
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afterwards
show examples
.
For instance
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, some specific careers need
both
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men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
 to maintain
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
harmony
as well as
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 operate normally.
Therefore
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,
intergrating
Correct your spelling
integrating
 males and females together will boost the work's efficiency and
also
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 the quality in
workplace
Add an article
the workplace
show examples
. Some critics said that there are plenty of jobs that
required
Wrong verb form
require
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 certain characteristics like
physically fit
Replace the word
physical fitness
show examples
 or flexibility that
only
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are only
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 suitable for one gender.
This
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maybe
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may be
show examples
 true but all of those characteristics can be obtained
throughout
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through
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 hard-working and practical experiences.
Therefore
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, individuals have
their
Change the word
the
show examples
 right to follow their
dream
Fix the agreement mistake
dreams
show examples
 regardless of sex. In conclusion,
both
Use synonyms
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
 can do
as well as
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 their counterparts in every
jobs
Change to a singular noun
job
show examples
. Thereby, the norm
of
Change preposition
that
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 each gender will have different
perfomances
Correct your spelling
performances
performance
 in certain works is untrue in
this
Linking Words
mordern
Correct your spelling
modern
 society.
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Task Achievement
To enhance the Task Response, ensure that your essay directly addresses the essay prompt. Offering specific examples to support your views will make your argument stronger. Try to include real-world instances or statistical data to substantiate your points.
Coherence & Cohesion
Improving coherence and cohesion can be achieved by making sure your ideas flow logically from one paragraph to the next. Use a variety of transition words and phrases to guide the reader smoothly through your argument. Additionally, it's beneficial to explicitly state how each point supports your overall thesis, linking back to the essay question.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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