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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

nowadays alot of people are able to do their work from home.discuss advantages and disadvantages.

Working remotely is a
work
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 type where the
employees
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 can
work
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 from anywhere or from
home
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.
Furthermore
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, the
work
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 does not require you to come to the
office
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. Recently, there have been many remote job options available.
Due to
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 the advances in technology,
thus
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 there are many features to support online working,
such
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 as teleconference and
work
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 collaboration apps. The advantages of working from
home
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 include less hassle in going to the
office
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, and people who
work
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 from
home
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 do not need to travel and be involved in traffic jams. Meanwhile, they can save more time contributing more to important tasks at
work
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. Remote jobs can be beneficial for mothers who take care of their babies or toddlers at
home
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. They can spend time more with family and take a close look and care for their children rather than
work
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 from the
office
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.
Besides
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 that, remote
workers
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also
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 can save up more money,
due to
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 less spending on transportation, food, and accommodation (for people who move to another city for
work
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) cost. Among all of the advantages, the idea of working from
home
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 can lead to some issues. Remote type of
work
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 can be considered as a
work
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 culture for some companies. They need to create a working system that supports their
workers
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 outside of the
office
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 efficiently. If the infrastructure system is not supportive enough,
this
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 can create many miscommunications or communication gaps between
employees
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 at
work
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 that lead to stress for them.
For example
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, inefficient
employees
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's online onboarding can make
workers
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 confused about their tasks which can lead to poor quality of
work
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.
On the other hand
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, for
employees
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, the constant
work
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 distance can lead to burnout for them since there is not much physical communication or activities they can do at
work
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. In conclusion, working remotely has pros and cons for employee and their employers. The online infrastructure system and collaboration features provided by the companies can determine the effectiveness of the online
work
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.
Besides
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 that
employees
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also
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 play an important role in
work
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 results. It depends on whether the
workers
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 fit into the remote working culture.

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Task Achievement
To improve your Task Achievement, make sure to fully address the task prompt by providing a balanced discussion of both the advantages and disadvantages of working remotely. Although you covered both, further exploration of each aspect with more depth and detail would enhance your response.
Task Achievement
For clearer and more comprehensive ideas, ensure each paragraph contains a single, well-explained concept. This can be achieved by focusing more on developing your paragraphs with specific details or examples to support your points.
Task Achievement
To increase the relevance and variety of your examples, try incorporating real-life scenarios, statistics, or studies that can support your arguments more convincingly.
Coherence & Cohesion
To enhance Logical Structure, aim for a clearer organization of your essay. Each paragraph should start with a topic sentence that clearly indicates the main idea, followed by supporting sentences, and a concluding sentence if possible.
Coherence & Cohesion
Make sure your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion. The introduction should provide an overview of the topic and a preview of your main points, while the conclusion should summarize your discussion and restate your viewpoint in a fresh way.
Coherence & Cohesion
To support your main points more effectively, expand your examples with more detail. This can include explaining the significance of an example or how it specifically illustrates your point.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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