IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Science could help people live up to 100 or 200 years. Would it be a good or bad development? Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#science #people #years #development
With
the
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apply
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state-of-the-art knowledge, the possibility of people
to prolong
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prolonging
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 their
life
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lives
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 is higher.
However
, that notion might be controversial, surrounded by
dispute
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disputes
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 among humans.
This
 essay will discuss both
point
Change to a plural noun
points
show examples
 of
views
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view
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, yet I am inclined to disagree with the previous idea. Death is undeniably the biggest fear that
human
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humans
show examples
 ever had, and it is inevitable to be stopped
with
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by
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 any means. The apprehension towards death can affect not only an individual
,
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apply
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 but
also
 those who have lived with them for years.
For instance
, when one person from a geriatric couple
have
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has
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 to meet
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
his
her
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 demise,
this
 shocking news will
deteroriate
Correct your spelling
deteriorate
 the spouse's well-being. To rejuvenate from
such
out of the blue
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out-of-the-blue
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 grimness will be arduous. An invention that can assist someone's
life span
Correct your spelling
lifespan
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 might come in handy. People can cherish more remarkable events in their old
agese
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age
ages
. Despite the aforementioned perk, the fact that
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the mandkind
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mandkind
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mankind
 population has augmented across all the continents is irrefutable. In fact, various problems have emerged because of how crowded the earth is.
For example
,
lack
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the lack
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 of
household
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households
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 in many countries seems to be accountable for health issues. Those who are homeless can not afford a
hygiene
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hygienic
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 lifestyle.
Consequently
, they will suffer from viral infections. The black death in the
1800
Correct your spelling
1800s
 is the perfect resemblance
for
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to
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 that. If people stay alive for more than a century
while
 the number of humans
keep
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keeps
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 encroaching in the following years, more complex problems will appear. Had scientists foresaw
this
 before, I do not think they
will
Wrong verb form
would
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 continue to scrutinize their so-called eternal life project.
Overall
, perpetuating one's existence
come
Correct subject-verb agreement
comes
show examples
 with its positive and negative impact. From a well-being perspective, it is going to be fruitful.
In
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On
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 the contrary, it
also
 generates a
tremendous
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tremendously
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 bad effect
for
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on
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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humanity. Frankly, I am not in the same boat with
this
 idea, it should be thwarted as soon as possible.
Submitted by aryasblearning on

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Task Achievement
You have presented a clear introduction and conclusion which effectively outlines your position and summarises your argument. However, your essay could benefit from stronger main points with clearly differentiated ideas for and against the proposition.
Task Achievement
Strive to supply more precise, relevant examples to support your arguments. While you've proposed interesting ideas, tangible examples will make your points more compelling and authoritative.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay demonstrates a logical structure with clear paragraphs. To enhance cohesion, consider using a wider variety of linking words and phrases to more smoothly connect your ideas.
Coherence & Cohesion
Pay attention to a variety of sentence structures. While your essay has a good flow, more varied sentence constructions will help improve readability and dynamism in your writing.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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