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Band 4.5

There is a lot of pressure on young people today to success academically. As a result, some people believe that non academic subjects such as physical education and cookery should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on a academic work.

#pressure #people #success #subjects #education #cookery #school #syllabus #children #work
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There
are
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is
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a
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an
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 intense debate about the efficiency of practical materials in
the
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apply
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education strategies.
However
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, some experiments argue that
,
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apply
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this
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these
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 articles must
reveal
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be revealed
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 from
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the
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curriculum.
An another
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Another
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 group go beyond that
this
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materials
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material
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 has a crucial role in the child mentality. I totally
coincide
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agree
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 with
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a later
the later
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later
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latter
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 view. On one hand, the initial scholars discuss
in
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apply
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that
additionals
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additional
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 themes ought to lead
puplis
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pupils
 to be misleading.
For instance
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, matters like arts, cooking,sports science...etc do not need to
know it
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be
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 in
the
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apply
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kindergartens. What is more, the teaching of
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this
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these
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 items
constitute
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constitutes
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 an additional burden to
student
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students
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.
Instead
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 of focusing on specific materials, the effort of
the
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apply
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students
are
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is
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 distributing
among
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apply
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more and more articles which they do not need
it
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apply
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in the future. For
this
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reasons
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reason
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, the previous gathering
invite
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invited
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 to
omitt
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omit
 any
further
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 details from the education system. On the other side, an
another scientists
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another scientist
other scientists
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 invoked
the
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that
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non academic
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non-academic
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 subjects are the most important factors in the process of educating kids.
For example
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, a lot of
non academic
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non-academic
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 careers in the universal currently
such
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 as
sporting
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sports
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, singing, cooking...etc.
Moreover
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, extracurricular activities play a crucial role in the building of
students
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students'
student's
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 character and contribute to discovery the
intelligent
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of intelligent
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 students.
Furthermore
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,
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this
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these
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 articles are important and do not require
a
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apply
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more effort from the children.
To sum up
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, l totally agreed with the
later
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latter
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 view, in spite of the reasonable evidence admitted by the first group. I believe that the
non academic
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non-academic
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 activity has the same significance as the other subjects and the schools must preserve
study
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the study
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Linking Words
Change preposition
of this
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this
Correct determiner usage
these
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 subjects.
Submitted by mohammedelhassan811 on

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Task Achievement
To enhance task achievement, ensure your response fully addresses all parts of the task. Provide a balanced discussion of both views before stating your own opinion. Include more specific examples to support your points.
Coherence & Cohesion
For improved coherence and cohesion, work on the logical flow of your ideas. Use clear paragraphing with a distinct introduction, body, and conclusion. Utilize linking words effectively to help with the progression of ideas.
Task Achievement
Use specific examples to support your main points. This will make your arguments more convincing and showcase your ability to discuss the topic in depth.
Language Proficiency
Pay attention to grammatical accuracy and range of vocabulary. Improving these areas will help clarify your arguments and enhance your overall score.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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