Many people work long hours, leaving very little time for leisure activities. Does this situation have more advantages or more disadvantages?
These days
people
have little time
to debute
to hobbies , which is a result of getting involved in working long Correct your spelling
dedicate
hours
and this
situation has more drawbacks to advantages.
On the one hand, people
who do not have enough time
to do leisure
activities might be tired during working days. As people
work for long hours
during day
, they will need to do an activity except working to be relaxed. When they don’t have ample Add an article
the day
time
for pleasure, it leads them to being
tired the following day. Change the verb form
be
This
tiredness could be accumulated
and Wrong verb form
accumulate
became
worse Wrong verb form
become
during
Change preposition
over
the
Correct article usage
apply
time
. In addition
, people
who work long hours
without doing leisure
tactivities
Correct your spelling
activities
,
could Remove the comma
apply
be depress
. Because individuals do not have Change the verb form
be depressed
be depressing
time
to devote to hobbies which is essential for being happy, for example
, playing a game in which individuals could be happy by amusing each other. Thus
, they would have a sense of dissatisfaction and depression. Moreover
, when people
have little time
to do leisure
activities, they will suffer from overweight. As individuals work for long hours
, they would
become tired and Verb problem
apply
depress
. Replace the word
depressed
Such
situation
will Correct article usage
a situation
affect on
them to be Verb problem
cause
lazy
and have Replace the word
laziness
an
tendency to follow a sedentary lifestyle without Change the article
a
an
activity, which is a significant factor Correct article usage
apply
for
getting overweight.
Change preposition
in
On the other hand
, working for long hours
could have some benefits. People
could save money which could be used in a way that it
brings happiness. Correct pronoun usage
apply
For example
, for traveling
. Change the spelling
travelling
Besides
, working for
long Change preposition
apply
hours
could be useful for people
to finish a project and getting
a new one, which is essential for promotion. Wrong verb form
get
Although
benefits are beneficial, it
will be rejected by Correct pronoun usage
they
majority
of Add an article
the majority
a majority
people
, as a result
of having negative effects which outweigh their advantages.
In conclusion, having little time
for leisure
activities have
more disadvantages Correct subject-verb agreement
has
to
merits because it brings about tiredness, depression and Change preposition
than
overweight
.Add a missing verb
being overweight
Submitted by alperenyakut on
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Task Achievement
To enhance Task Achievement, ensure that your essay directly addresses the prompt with a balanced discussion of advantages and disadvantages. Further development of the advantage side could provide a more balanced view.
Coherence and Cohesion
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Your opinion
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Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?
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