IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many people work long hours, leaving very little time for leisure activities. Does this situation have more advantages or more disadvantages?

#people #work #hours #time #leisure #activities #situation
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These days
people
Use synonyms
 have little
time
Use synonyms
 to
debute
Correct your spelling
dedicate
 to hobbies , which is a result of getting involved in working long
hours
Use synonyms
 and
this
Linking Words
 situation has more drawbacks to advantages. On the one hand,
people
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 who do not have enough
time
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 to do
leisure
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 activities might be tired during working days. As
people
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 work for long
hours
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 during
day
Add an article
the day
show examples
, they will need to do an activity except working to be relaxed. When they don’t have ample
time
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 for pleasure, it leads them to
being
Change the verb form
be
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 tired the following day.
This
Linking Words
 tiredness could
be accumulated
Wrong verb form
accumulate
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 and
became
Wrong verb form
become
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 worse
during
Change preposition
over
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
,
people
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 who work long
hours
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 without doing
leisure
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tactivities
Correct your spelling
activities
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 could
be depress
Change the verb form
be depressed
be depressing
show examples
. Because individuals do not have
time
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 to devote to hobbies which is essential for being happy,
for example
Linking Words
, playing a game in which individuals could be happy by amusing each other.
Thus
Linking Words
, they would have a sense of dissatisfaction and depression.
Moreover
Linking Words
, when
people
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 have little
time
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 to do
leisure
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 activities, they will suffer from overweight. As individuals work for long
hours
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, they
would
Verb problem
apply
show examples
become tired and
depress
Replace the word
depressed
show examples
.
Such
Linking Words
situation
Correct article usage
a situation
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 will
affect on
Verb problem
cause
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 them to be
lazy
Replace the word
laziness
show examples
 and have
an
Change the article
a
show examples
 tendency to follow a sedentary lifestyle without
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
activity, which is a significant factor
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 getting overweight.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, working for long
hours
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 could have some benefits.
People
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 could save money which could be used in a way that
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
brings happiness.
For example
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, for
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
.
Besides
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, working
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
long
hours
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 could be useful for
people
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 to finish a project and
getting
Wrong verb form
get
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 a new one, which is essential for promotion.
Although
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 benefits are beneficial,
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
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 will be rejected by
majority
Add an article
the majority
a majority
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 of
people
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,
as a result
Linking Words
 of having negative effects which outweigh their advantages. In conclusion, having little
time
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 for
leisure
Use synonyms
 activities
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 more disadvantages
to
Change preposition
than
show examples
 merits because it brings about tiredness, depression and
overweight
Add a missing verb
being overweight
show examples
.
Submitted by alperenyakut on

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Task Achievement
To enhance Task Achievement, ensure that your essay directly addresses the prompt with a balanced discussion of advantages and disadvantages. Further development of the advantage side could provide a more balanced view.
Coherence and Cohesion
For Coherence and Cohesion, work on creating a smoother flow within and between paragraphs. Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to connect your ideas more effectively. Additionally, pay closer attention to paragraph structure, ensuring each has a clear main idea supported by relevant details.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • work-life balance
  • mental well-being
  • burnout
  • stress relief
  • productivity
  • economic growth
  • career progression
  • skill enhancement
  • quality time
  • financial security
  • leisure activities
  • physical health
  • personal relationships
  • stress-related illnesses
What to do next:
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