Many people work long hours, leaving very little time for leisure activities. Does this situation have more advantages or more disadvantages?

These days
people
have little
time
to
debute
Correct your spelling
dedicate
to hobbies , which is a result of getting involved in working long
hours
and
this
situation has more drawbacks to advantages. On the one hand,
people
who do not have enough
time
to do
leisure
activities might be tired during working days. As
people
work for long
hours
during
day
Add an article
the day
show examples
, they will need to do an activity except working to be relaxed. When they don’t have ample
time
for pleasure, it leads them to
being
Change the verb form
be
show examples
tired the following day.
This
tiredness could
be accumulated
Wrong verb form
accumulate
show examples
and
became
Wrong verb form
become
show examples
worse
during
Change preposition
over
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time
.
In addition
,
people
who work long
hours
without doing
leisure
tactivities
Correct your spelling
activities
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
could
be depress
Change the verb form
be depressed
be depressing
show examples
. Because individuals do not have
time
to devote to hobbies which is essential for being happy,
for example
, playing a game in which individuals could be happy by amusing each other.
Thus
, they would have a sense of dissatisfaction and depression.
Moreover
, when
people
have little
time
to do
leisure
activities, they will suffer from overweight. As individuals work for long
hours
, they
would
Verb problem
apply
show examples
become tired and
depress
Replace the word
depressed
show examples
.
Such
situation
Correct article usage
a situation
show examples
will
affect on
Verb problem
cause
show examples
them to be
lazy
Replace the word
laziness
show examples
and have
an
Change the article
a
show examples
tendency to follow a sedentary lifestyle without
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
activity, which is a significant factor
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
getting overweight.
On the other hand
, working for long
hours
could have some benefits.
People
could save money which could be used in a way that
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
brings happiness.
For example
, for
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
.
Besides
, working
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
long
hours
could be useful for
people
to finish a project and
getting
Wrong verb form
get
show examples
a new one, which is essential for promotion.
Although
benefits are beneficial,
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
will be rejected by
majority
Add an article
the majority
a majority
show examples
of
people
,
as a result
of having negative effects which outweigh their advantages. In conclusion, having little
time
for
leisure
activities
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
more disadvantages
to
Change preposition
than
show examples
merits because it brings about tiredness, depression and
overweight
Add a missing verb
being overweight
show examples
.
Submitted by alperenyakut on

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Task Achievement
To enhance Task Achievement, ensure that your essay directly addresses the prompt with a balanced discussion of advantages and disadvantages. Further development of the advantage side could provide a more balanced view.
Coherence and Cohesion
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Your opinion

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Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • work-life balance
  • mental well-being
  • burnout
  • stress relief
  • productivity
  • economic growth
  • career progression
  • skill enhancement
  • quality time
  • financial security
  • leisure activities
  • physical health
  • personal relationships
  • stress-related illnesses
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