Some people think women should be given equal chances to work and excel in their careers. Others believe that a woman's role should be limited to taking care of the house and children. Which opinion do you agree with and why? Include specific details and examples to support your choice.

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Several
people
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consider that
women
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should possess equal
opportunity
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opportunities
show examples
similar to men to
work
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or excel in their careers.
While
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other communities think a girl's role ought to be limited
for
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to
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taking care of the house and
children
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. In
this
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essay, I will discuss both sides of the argument
as well as
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my perspective in the subsequent paragraph, and I support
with
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apply
show examples
the
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my
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first
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opinion. On the
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first
Correct word choice
other
show examples
hand, a majority of
people
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think that every woman possesses a right to choose and determine her career. Presently,
women
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and men do not own differentiation, and they possess a chance to decide their
choise
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choice
. Many
women
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choose to
work
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because it is able to assist the needs of their
family
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families
show examples
because if they
work
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, they are able to obtain
salary
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a salary
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so
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apply
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that
it
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apply
show examples
can decrease a troublesome economy in
her
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their
show examples
environment.
On the other hand
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, citizens believe that
women
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are the
first
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teacher
for
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of
show examples
their
children
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. In the future, a girl will become
as
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apply
show examples
a mother in her new family because she is going to have a child, and a minority of
people
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believe that in the family,
mother
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the mother
a mother
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is
person
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a person
the person
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who will teach her
children
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in
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for
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the
first
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time
such
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as how to speak, eat and take a bath. A mother is
convienced
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convinced
by her family to educate her
children
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.
For example
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, in the past, a majority of
women
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controlled
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their
show examples
her
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
family
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families
show examples
in
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
her
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their
show examples
home
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homes
show examples
, and the result was many
Change preposition
of her
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her
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of her
show examples
children
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Wrong verb form
became
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becoming
Wrong verb form
became
show examples
Correct article usage
apply
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a
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apply
show examples
succesful
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successful
people
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.
Hence
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, several
people
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consider
Verb problem
believe
show examples
women
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should stay in
her
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their
show examples
home
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homes
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to keep
her
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their
show examples
family
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families
show examples
.
To sum up
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, both arguments carry
strenght
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strength
and significance, and neither can be refuted
outhright
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outright
.
Nonetheless
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, I personally subscribe to the fact that
women
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have a chance to
work
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because it can
degenerate
Verb problem
reduce
show examples
the value of
discriminations
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discrimination
show examples
, and
women
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are able to acquire income to fulfil
her
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
needs.
Submitted by fifi on

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Task Response
Ensure you fully address all parts of the task. Present a clear position throughout the response. Your essay slightly deviates from the core topic by discussing the importance of a mother in a child's life, rather than focusing on women's career opportunities.
Coherence and Cohesion
Improve your essay's structure by clearly distinguishing your paragraphs and making sure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea. Use linking words and phrases to ensure smooth transitions between paragraphs.
Coherence and Cohesion
Support your main points with specific examples or evidence. While you touch on the importance of women working, including specific examples of women excelling in their careers or how women's working contributes to society would strengthen your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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