IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people think that men and wormen have different qualities , therefore certain jobs are suitable for men and others for women. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #men #wormen #qualities #jobs #women
In today's society, many public still think that certain careers are better suited for either
fellow
 or
female
Correct article usage
a female
show examples
 based on their inherent qualities .
While
 it is true that
fellow
 and
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 have biological differences , it is not fair to say that these distinctions determine what kind of work they can do . People should be free to choose any job based on their skills and interests, regardless of their
gender
 . Male and female do have some physical and biological distinctions but these distinctions do not mean that one
gender
 is better at certain businesses.
For example
 , just because
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 are seen as nurturing does not mean they are the only ones who can take care of others .
Similarly
 , the idea that only
fellow
Fix the agreement mistake
fellows
show examples
 can do physically demanding work overlooks the fact that many females are strong and capable too. Everyone should be able to choose their career based on their own skills and interests, not based on what society says is suitable for their
gender
 . Encouraging the population to follow their passion without being limited by
gender
 stereotypes makes the workforce more inclusive and diverse .
this
 is important because it helps organizations be more creative and successful . In conclusion , even though
fellow
Correct article usage
a fellow
show examples
 and female have different qualities , it is not right to say that certain careers are only for one
gender
. These ideas are outdated and unfair . People should be able to pursue any job they want

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coherence cohesion
Consider refining your introduction and conclusion to more explicitly state your position and summarize your arguments. This will improve the clarity of your essay's structure.
coherence cohesion
Use varied transitional phrases and ensure paragraphs are logically connected to enhance the flow of your essay.
task achievement
Address the essay prompt more directly by stating your agreement or disagreement clearly in the introduction. Clarify your stance throughout the essay for a stronger task response.
task achievement
Incorporate specific, real-world examples to support your points. This will not only make your arguments more convincing but also address the requirement for relevant, specific examples, thereby improving task achievement.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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