Now people spend less and less time at home. What are the causes? What are the effects on individual and society?
Now
people
spend less and less time at home
. What are the causes? What are the effects on individual
and society?
It is true that these days Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
people
spare
most of their Verb problem
spend
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
for
outdoor activities. I believe working long hours and Change preposition
on
hectic
Correct article usage
a hectic
life style
has reduced the amount Correct your spelling
lifestyle
people
stay home
which can have detrimental effects on mind
.
On the one hand, Add an article
the mind
hectic
lifestyle has taken Correct article usage
a hectic
huge
proportion of our Correct article usage
a huge
times
. Getting back Fix the agreement mistake
time
home
from work
is not as simple as it used to be. Heavy traffic is an inevitable factor that people
in big cities find it
hard to deal with. Correct pronoun usage
apply
For example
, if by any chance a person who works at
Change preposition
on
east
side of Add an article
the east
the
Tehran city Correct article usage
apply
and
Correct word choice
apply
commence
to come Correct subject-verb agreement
commences
home
it will take almost three hours to get to his destination. In the meantime, he unwantedly spends his precious times
on the streets.
Fix the agreement mistake
time
On the other hand
, due to
competition existing among companies and rise
in population, employees Correct article usage
the rise
work
more hours than before in their jobs. Complexity
of Add an article
The complexity
work
has made them to
stay even Change the verb form
apply
extra
Correct word choice
more
times
to fulfil their duty. As a working nurse in Fix the agreement mistake
time
hospital
, nowadays we should Add an article
a hospital
the hospital
work
extra shifts in order to be able to give care to Correct article usage
an increasingly
increasingly
number of patients that come to health care departments. Change the adverb
increasing
Therefore
, staying enough in
Change preposition
at
home
is becoming a dream.
Meanwhile, home
Fix the agreement mistake
homes
are build
in order to help Change the verb form
are built
people
get peace, join their families, and rest. Now if this
gift would be
taken from Wrong verb form
were
people
, countless mental or physical diseases would emerge among people
. For instance
, Depression would be caused from
being kept away from family, Change preposition
by
or
stress and anxiety would be Correct word choice
apply
result
of all the rush through Add an article
the result
a result
work
time or on the streets, or even sever
damage to our physical condition from restless and drastic exhaust.
To capitulate, I believe Correct your spelling
severe
people
are facing prominent threats to their both mental and physical circumstances due to
being away from peaceful
Add an article
the peaceful
a peaceful
area
of Fix the agreement mistake
areas
home
.Add an article
the home
Submitted by erfanamouie on
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Structure
A clear introduction and conclusion are essential for structuring your essay effectively. Consider starting with a brief overview of your arguments and ending with a summary or final thought.
Connection
Enhance the logical flow between paragraphs by using cohesive devices (e.g., firstly, however, in addition) and making clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph.
Content Depth
To fully address the task, make sure you discuss both causes and effects equally and in detail. It seems the essay focuses more on causes; try to expand on the effects on individuals and society.
Detail
Clarify and expand your ideas with more specific examples. While some examples are given, further detail or explanation would strengthen your argument.
Grammar & Style
Review your essay for possible grammatical errors and aim for variety in sentence structure to keep your writing engaging.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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