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Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people think that sport is very important for society. Others, however, argue that it is nothing more than a leisure activity. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #sport #society #leisure #activity
Prominence
Add an article
The prominence
show examples
 of physical
activity
 in society nowadays is clear to many
people
.
However
, there are a few that assume
sports
 as an
activity
which
Change preposition
in which
show examples
people
 have just fun.
Although
 exercise can be delightful in many cases, I and the majority of
people
 believe doing
sports
 can promote a healthy community and even bring fame and
to have
Verb problem
apply
show examples
a lucrative job. On the one hand, physical
activity
 can deter a lot of diseases in a country.
Sienctist
Correct your spelling
Scientists
 have asserted that
people
 who have commenced exercises
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
both for leisure and as a profession will live longer and are immune to certain diseases. Inactivity and obesity are the substantial causes of many illnesses like
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 blood
hyper tension
Correct your spelling
hypertension
show examples
, diabetes, heart strokes and many others. Meanwhile, tackling these diseases which are existential threats to humanity, will make a happier and more dynamic community which can lead to a thriving nation.
On the other hand
, governments have invested
tremendous
Add an article
a tremendous
show examples
 amount of money in the field of
sports
. Many athletes can attend to a specific athletic major and choose it as a career
while
 it can be lucrative in many cases, it can bring fame
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 a worldwide scale. Take Lionel Messi
for instance
, not only he is known to every corner of the universe,
he
Correct word choice
but he
show examples
 has made a fortune in his career that his family will be in comfort for their whole life.
Also
,
people
 have made him
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
an ideal
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
criteria
Fix the agreement mistake
criterion
show examples
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
succus
Correct your spelling
success
show examples
.
However
, there are some who believe working hard or
study
Wrong verb form
studying
show examples
 can lead the nation to prosperity. They claim that if
people
 put aside
sports
 and only focus on economy and science the
out comes
Correct your spelling
outcomes
show examples
 are much greater compared to exercise.
Although
 I believe striving to reach certain
achievement
Fix the agreement mistake
achievements
show examples
 in academic fields
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 necessary, I assume even all the
people
 who work in any
aspects
Fix the agreement mistake
aspect
show examples
 should consider
sports
.
For example
, there is possible for a teacher to have some extra time to devoted
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
physical
activity
.
This
 not only will not make him
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
lose focus, But in
fact
Add a comma
fact,
show examples
 makes him healthier and
potent
Correct quantifier usage
more potent
show examples
 both emotionally and physically.
Therefore
, the community will have
residences
Replace the word
residents
show examples
 who are striving to achieve its priorities
while
 being in
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
proper physical condition. To recapitulate, I argue with the
people
 who call doing
sports
such
 a waste of time, because
this
 is the best motive to push
people
 through prosperity and achieving
societies
Change noun form
society's
show examples
 aims.
Submitted by erfanamouie on

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Task Achievement
To improve your task achievement, aim for even clearer exposition of your ideas. Try to succinctly state your main points in the introduction to guide readers through your essay. Also, integrate more examples that directly support your argument to enhance the persuasiveness of your discussion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Enhance cohesion and coherence by focusing on the logical flow between paragraphs. Use varied transitional phrases to clearly show the connections between your ideas. Aim to have a stronger thread that ties your points together throughout the essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
In the coherence and cohesion aspect, ensure your main points are supported by relevant details or examples. This strengthens the overall structure of your essay by making your arguments more convincing.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Physical activity
  • Sedentary lifestyle
  • Chronic diseases
  • Teamwork
  • Cultural divides
  • Revenue generator
  • Infrastructure
  • Patriotism
  • Role models
  • Commercialization
  • Recreation
  • Stress-relief
  • Elite sports
  • Injury risks
  • Doping scandals
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