Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. Discuss both these views and dive your own opinion.

Recently there has been
fierce
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a fierce
the fierce
show examples
debate
between
Change preposition
among
show examples
parents
who think, whether a
child
should learn how to behave in good manners in society, in educational
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
or by
parents
themselves.
Although
both
may have their logical reasons, I believe that
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
should take
this
burden on
its shoulder
Fix the agreement mistake
their shoulders
show examples
. On the one hand, there are
people
who claim
due to
complexity
Correct article usage
the complexity
show examples
of
this
contemporary world and existing competent teachers,
school
is the place
infants
Rephrase
where infants
show examples
should learn how to treat
people
in the community. Many
people
assume that there is too much information to be told to a
child
these days,
meanwhile
Add a comma
meanwhile,
show examples
pupils should sudden by
sudden
Change the word
suddenly
show examples
learn skills by their touters throughout the primary education years.
For example
, regarding
Correct article usage
the school
show examples
school
Correct article usage
the school
show examples
as a small society with dozens of members, gives teachers the opportunity to conduct practices similar to a
Add a hyphen
bigger-scale
show examples
bigger scale
Add a hyphen
bigger-scale
show examples
community.
On the other hand
, some
parents
argue with the notion mentioned above and assert that
parents
are the best ideals for their infants in cases of cultural backgrounds and religion. They believe a
child
should grow up learning the values of his own family and define the word good, as his
parents
do.
For example
, residents of
certain
Add an article
a certain
show examples
village
Fix the agreement mistake
villages
show examples
in England shake
hand
Fix the agreement mistake
hands
show examples
with
any
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
strangers in the street,
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
this
act might not be taught in schools. Putting aside these arguments, I potently insist on the fact that
due to
hectic
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the hectic
show examples
lifestyle that many
people
have these days,
major
Add an article
a major
the major
show examples
proportion of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
child rearing
Add a hyphen
child-rearing
show examples
should
be relied
Change to the active voice
rely
have relied
show examples
on schools. There
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
huge
Change the article
a huge
the huge
show examples
Fix the agreement mistake
numbers
show examples
number
Fix the agreement mistake
numbers
show examples
of families
Correct word choice
where
show examples
that
Correct word choice
where
show examples
both
parents
work,
other wise
Correct your spelling
otherwise
show examples
they can not provide
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for themselves
show examples
themselves
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for themselves
show examples
financially.
Therefore
, being responsible
in
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for
show examples
fostering a
child
and teaching
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sociable values is a daunting task that because of time deficiency
parents
are not able to deal with. Adding, long hours of traffic on
way
Correct article usage
the way
show examples
home reduces the time that
both
parents
are
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
the presence of their
child
. So,
parents
can only nurture the
child
. To recapitulate,
both
parties have good reasons to mention ,yet
according to
business and long hours of work I would rather choose the idea in which
school
is responsible
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
making a
child
comprehend
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
his acts toward other
people
in society.
Submitted by erfanamouie on

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task achievement
Be sure to directly address the task prompt. This essay discusses the respective roles of schools and parents in socializing children, but clear, direct statement of your own opinion could be more effectively integrated throughout the essay, not only in the conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Work on creating smoother transitions between paragraphs and ideas. Using phrases like 'on the other hand' or 'in addition to' can help improve the flow of your argument and make it easier for the reader to follow your thought process.
task achievement
Incorporate more specific, real-world examples to strengthen your arguments. While you mention an example involving residents of a village in England, more detailed examples could provide stronger support for your points.

Fully explain your ideas

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    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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