IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Topic: Some people think that men and women have different qualities, therefore certain jobs are suitable for men and others for women. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#topic #people #men #women #qualities #jobs
It is thought there are disparities in the types of job compatible for males and females owing to their distinct physical and mental strengths.
Although
 occupational suitability based on is
justifitable
Correct your spelling
justifiable
 to some degree, reality, in my
opinion
Add the comma(s)
opinion,
show examples
 has proven
otherwise
. It is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 fact that all jobs
required
Wrong verb form
require
show examples
 not only physical strength, agility, well awareness,
social
Correct word choice
and social
show examples
 skills but
also
need
Verb problem
apply
show examples
patience,
confidence
Correct word choice
and confidence
show examples
 in all cases of life. Owning a strong body with enough energy for many heavy works that speciality of
men
. Meanwhile,
women
 are assumed to be best at tasks so
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
they could take great patience
as well as
 skills to perform
like
Change preposition
apply
show examples
household chores.
In addition
, both
men
 and
women
 could not exchange their jobs
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
another ones
Replace the adjective
another one
other ones
show examples
 because
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
they
not
Add a missing verb
were not
show examples
 good about many fields that
not
Add a missing verb
did not
show examples
 belong
their
Change preposition
to their
show examples
 understanding and
researching
Replace the word
research
show examples
.
On the other hand
, I certainly believe that it does not have any specific rules for occupational compatibility regarding gender. Most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
men
Add an article
the men
show examples
 are growing
more and more better
Change the word
better and better
better
show examples
with
Change preposition
at
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
teaching strictly
from
Change preposition
by
show examples
 their parents and teachers in the period time of studying at school so that they
aware
Add a missing verb
are aware
show examples
 of taking
responsibilities
Fix the agreement mistake
responsibility
show examples
 for childcare,
houseworks
Correct your spelling
housework
,
finance
Correct word choice
and finance
show examples
 of
family
Correct article usage
the family
show examples
.
Besides
, female
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 showing
out
Change preposition
apply
show examples
perfectly
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their versatility in various jobs that
demanding
Wrong verb form
demand
show examples
 both brains and intelligent
resolving
Replace the word
resolution
show examples
. Nowadays,
women
Change noun form
women's
show examples
 gymnasts increased more than before
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 could help them gain
healthy
Replace the word
health
show examples
 and energy. In conclusion, some individuals
denied
Wrong verb form
deny
show examples
 that mental and physical are not suitable
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 females but from my perspective, I think
men
 and
women
 are now equal in terms of
such
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
aspect
Fix the agreement mistake
aspects
show examples
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction & Conclusion
Be sure to clearly state your position in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion for greater impact. This will help in making your essay more coherent and your argument more evident to the reader.
Supporting Details
Develop your main points with more specific examples and detailed explanations. This elaboration will strengthen your argument and enhance the task achievement score.
Logical Flow
Work on the logical flow of your essay by linking ideas more smoothly and using transitional phrases. This will improve the overall cohesion and structure of your writing.
Counter-Argument
Address the counter-argument more effectively by articulating why you disagree with the opposing view. This depth of analysis will enrich your essay and increase the task achievement score.
Grammar & Spelling
Proofread your essay to correct grammatical and spelling errors. This will not only improve the coherence but also give your essay a more polished look.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: