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Band 3.5

some people think that men and women have different qualities, there fore certain jobs are suitable for men and others for women. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #men #women #qualities #fore #jobs
some individuals believe that there are differences between
men
 and
women
 in qualities.
As a result
, some
jobs
 are suitable for
men
 and others for
women
. I totally agree to what extent.
This
 author is to prove my agreement with the view. It must be observed that the personality of
men
 is not the same as
women
.
Men
's personalities are likely to be braver than
women
's, so investors, workers and discoverers are the
jobs
 the number of male employees is higher than female.
While
women
's characteristic trend is more patient than
men
Change noun form
men's
show examples
. So ,
women
 are suitable for some
jobs
 like psychologists or assistants. Another vital reason is that in most cases
men
 are
left-brain-user
Fix the agreement mistake
left-brain-users
show examples
 which means that they have the ability to calculate and
solving
Wrong verb form
solve
show examples
 math so
jobs
 which require those qualities must be more suitable for
men
.
In contrast
, the majority of right-brain-users are
women
,
in other words
,
women
 are likely to be more creative than
men
,
this
Correct word choice
and this
show examples
 helps them in some works
Correct pronoun usage
that needs
show examples
needs
Correct subject-verb agreement
need
show examples
 various imagination. In conclusion,
men
 and
women
 have different qualities and each job requires suitable abilities. So
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
people should choose a job which suitable for their abilities and gender.
Submitted by zky1705202 on

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Task Achievement
Ensure your introduction clearly presents your viewpoint on the topic without ambiguity. State clearly whether you agree or disagree and to what extent, avoiding unclear phrases such as 'I totally agree to what extent' which can confuse readers.
Task Achievement
Expand your arguments by incorporating varied and specific examples that clearly demonstrate why certain qualities make men or women more suited to specific jobs. General statements without clear, supporting examples may weaken your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use a wider range of linking words to enhance coherence. Transition smoothly between paragraphs and ideas, using phrases that show comparison, contrast, cause, and effect to guide the reader through your arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure a clear logical structure is present throughout the essay by planning your paragraphs. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea, supported by examples and explanations. This organization helps readers follow your argument more easily.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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