IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2.5

some people think that men and women have different qualities, therefore certain jobs are suitable for men and others for women. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #men #women #qualities #jobs
some individuals believe that there are differences between
guy
Fix the agreement mistake
guys
show examples
 and
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 in qualities.
As a result
, some
task
Fix the agreement mistake
tasks
show examples
 are suitable for
gentleman
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gentlemen
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 and others for
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
. I totally agree to what extent.
This
 author is to prove my agreement with the view. It must be observed that the personality of
dude
Correct article usage
a dude
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 is not the same as
women
Fix the agreement mistake
woman
show examples
. fellow's personalities are likely to be braver than female's, so investors, workers and discoverers are the
assignment
Change the noun form
assignments
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 the number of male employees is higher than female.
While
 female's characteristic trend is more patient than men's. So ,
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 are suitable for some
appointment
Fix the agreement mistake
appointments
show examples
 like psychologists or assistants. Another vital reason is that in most cases men are left-brain-users which means that they have the ability to calculate and solve math so jobs which require those qualities must be more suitable for
dude
Add an article
the dude
a dude
show examples
.
In contrast
, the majority of
right-brain-users
Correct your spelling
right brain users
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 are female,
in other words
,
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
are likely to be more creative than
male
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males
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, and
this
 helps them in some works
need
Correct pronoun usage
that need
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 various imagination. In conclusion,
male
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males
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 and
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 have different qualities and each job requires suitable abilities. So people should choose a job which
suitable
Add a missing verb
is suitable
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 for their abilities and gender.
Submitted by zky1705202 on

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Introduction
Ensure the introduction clearly presents your viewpoint and outlines the main points you will discuss. The current introduction lacks clarity in its thesis statement.
Language Usage
Avoid using colloquial language and non-standard terms ('guy', 'dude', 'female', etc.) in formal essays. Use 'men', 'women', 'individuals' instead.
Body Paragraphs
Develop each main point with specific examples or evidence. The current examples lack depth and specificity, making your arguments less convincing.
Coherence
Ensure your essay has a clear logical flow. Use transition words and phrases to connect ideas and paragraphs smoothly.
Conclusion
The conclusion should succinctly summarize your main points and restate your view in a compelling way. The current conclusion does so but could be strengthened with clearer language.
Task Response
In addressing the task's requirements, ensure to articulate a clear stance throughout the essay. While you stated agreement, the rationale and development of your argument could be more robust.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • gender roles
  • inherent qualities
  • social dynamics
  • merit-based selection
  • advancements in technology
  • levelled the playing field
  • gender stereotypes
  • equal opportunities
  • physical differences
  • workplace
  • evolving
  • traditional view
What to do next:
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