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Band 4.5

Some people claim that there are more disadvantages of car ownership than advantages. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of having a car.

#people #car #ownership
Nowadays, every citizen
have
Change the verb form
has
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negative
Add an article
a negative
the negative
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 argument about automobile ownership rather than
the
Correct article usage
a
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 positive perspective.
On
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In
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this
 essay, I will elaborate both
opinion
Change to a plural noun
opinions
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of
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on
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this
 issue. On the one hand, the automobile
give
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gives
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convinience
Correct your spelling
convenience
 and freedom of movement to every
people
.
Firstly
, every individual
do
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does
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 not need to
attached
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be attached
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with
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to
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public
Correct article usage
the public
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 transportation schedule. They can
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
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commute without
worry
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the worry
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of
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about
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 the
last
 train to the suburb or they can depart earlier in the morning to
office
Correct article usage
the office
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 or airport without waiting
the
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for the
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 first bus
operated
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to operate
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.
Secondly
, private vehicle
owner
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owners
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 can do everything they want without
disturb
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disturbing
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 anyone around.
For example
, they can sing
a long
Correct your spelling
along
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 on the road without making
people
 uncomfortable.
On the other hand
, there are many disadvantages belong the usage of personal
vehicle
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vehicles
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. In the first place, air pollution is the biggest concern of
this
 problem because it
need
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needs
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 to burn some gasoline and produce dirty smoke
to
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in
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 the sky.
Furthermore
,
pollutant
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pollutants
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 can
make
Verb problem
cause
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 serious health
problem
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problems
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for
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in
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a
Correct article usage
the
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 long term
especially
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, especially
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on
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in
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 the lungs and heart.
Lastly
, traffic jam is another outstanding problem for every driver
especially
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, especially
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on
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during
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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rush hour. Mental health will be impacted because
person
Add an article
the person
a person
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 who
drive
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drives
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 a car
more
Add a missing verb
is more
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 likely to have stress and depression during
journey
Correct pronoun usage
their journey
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 on the road.
Moreover
, during the jam
people
 will waste their productive time and it can make
people
 unproductive.
To conclude
,
automobile
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automobiles
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 can
give
Verb problem
have
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good
Correct article usage
a good
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 and bad impact
for
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on
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 society. In my opinion,
people
 need to deep check what they need before buying a car because there
is
Change the verb form
are
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 many advantages and disadvantages for society and themselves.
Submitted by hafidhfikri.rasyid on

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Grammar
Review and work on grammar accuracy, particularly with verb tenses, subject-verb agreement, and word choice to ensure clear communication. Grammatical errors can hinder the clarity of your arguments.
Content
Expand on your examples by providing more detailed illustrations of the advantages and disadvantages of car ownership. Specific examples make your argument more convincing and engaging to the reader.
Coherence and Cohesion
Transition phrases and connectors should be used more effectively to create a smoother flow between ideas. Consider using phrases like 'Moreover', 'Furthermore', 'In contrast', and 'As a result', to better link your thoughts and arguments.
Task Achievement
Try to present a more balanced view by exploring the advantages and disadvantages of car ownership in equal depth. This contributes to a well-rounded discussion and helps fulfill the task response criteria more effectively.
Structure
Enhance your introduction and conclusion for a stronger impact. Make sure your introduction clearly addresses the task and outlines the main points to be discussed. In your conclusion, summarize your points succinctly and restate your opinion in a compelling way.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • convenience
  • freedom of movement
  • public transportation
  • environmental impact
  • greenhouse gases
  • global warming
  • climate change
  • financial implications
  • maintenance
  • insurance
  • fuel
  • traffic congestion
  • parking challenges
  • access
  • opportunities
  • personal security
  • road accidents
What to do next:
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