IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people claim that there are more disadvantages of car ownership than advantages. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of having a car.

#people #car #ownership
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Nowadays, every citizen
have
Change the verb form
has
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negative
Add an article
a negative
the negative
show examples
 argument about automobile ownership rather than
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 positive perspective.
On
Change preposition
In
show examples
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will elaborate both
opinion
Change to a plural noun
opinions
show examples
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
this
Linking Words
 issue. On the one hand, the automobile
give
Change the verb form
gives
show examples
convinience
Correct your spelling
convenience
 and freedom of movement to every
people
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, every individual
do
Change the verb form
does
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 not need to
attached
Add a missing verb
be attached
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with
Change preposition
to
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public
Correct article usage
the public
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 transportation schedule. They can
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
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commute without
worry
Add an article
the worry
show examples
of
Change preposition
about
show examples
 the
last
Linking Words
 train to the suburb or they can depart earlier in the morning to
office
Correct article usage
the office
show examples
 or airport without waiting
the
Change preposition
for the
show examples
 first bus
operated
Change the verb form
to operate
show examples
.
Secondly
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, private vehicle
owner
Fix the agreement mistake
owners
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 can do everything they want without
disturb
Change the verb form
disturbing
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 anyone around.
For example
Linking Words
, they can sing
a long
Correct your spelling
along
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 on the road without making
people
Use synonyms
 uncomfortable.
On the other hand
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, there are many disadvantages belong the usage of personal
vehicle
Fix the agreement mistake
vehicles
show examples
. In the first place, air pollution is the biggest concern of
this
Linking Words
 problem because it
need
Change the verb form
needs
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 to burn some gasoline and produce dirty smoke
to
Change preposition
in
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 the sky.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
pollutant
Fix the agreement mistake
pollutants
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 can
make
Verb problem
cause
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 serious health
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 long term
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
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on
Change preposition
in
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 the lungs and heart.
Lastly
Linking Words
, traffic jam is another outstanding problem for every driver
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
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on
Change preposition
during
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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rush hour. Mental health will be impacted because
person
Add an article
the person
a person
show examples
 who
drive
Change the verb form
drives
show examples
 a car
more
Add a missing verb
is more
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 likely to have stress and depression during
journey
Correct pronoun usage
their journey
show examples
 on the road.
Moreover
Linking Words
, during the jam
people
Use synonyms
 will waste their productive time and it can make
people
Use synonyms
 unproductive.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
automobile
Fix the agreement mistake
automobiles
show examples
 can
give
Verb problem
have
show examples
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
 and bad impact
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 society. In my opinion,
people
Use synonyms
 need to deep check what they need before buying a car because there
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 many advantages and disadvantages for society and themselves.
Submitted by hafidhfikri.rasyid on

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Grammar
Review and work on grammar accuracy, particularly with verb tenses, subject-verb agreement, and word choice to ensure clear communication. Grammatical errors can hinder the clarity of your arguments.
Content
Expand on your examples by providing more detailed illustrations of the advantages and disadvantages of car ownership. Specific examples make your argument more convincing and engaging to the reader.
Coherence and Cohesion
Transition phrases and connectors should be used more effectively to create a smoother flow between ideas. Consider using phrases like 'Moreover', 'Furthermore', 'In contrast', and 'As a result', to better link your thoughts and arguments.
Task Achievement
Try to present a more balanced view by exploring the advantages and disadvantages of car ownership in equal depth. This contributes to a well-rounded discussion and helps fulfill the task response criteria more effectively.
Structure
Enhance your introduction and conclusion for a stronger impact. Make sure your introduction clearly addresses the task and outlines the main points to be discussed. In your conclusion, summarize your points succinctly and restate your opinion in a compelling way.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • convenience
  • freedom of movement
  • public transportation
  • environmental impact
  • greenhouse gases
  • global warming
  • climate change
  • financial implications
  • maintenance
  • insurance
  • fuel
  • traffic congestion
  • parking challenges
  • access
  • opportunities
  • personal security
  • road accidents
What to do next:
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